Her Gift , Her Curse
by LivingDreams
Summary: She has a gift, which is her curse, which is slowly destroying her. And the day it almost did destroy her, he came along. JL – seventh year. AU. And i present to you... Chp 10!
1. Chapter One

**Her Gift – Her Curse**

Disclaimer (for the entire fic): I don't own anything you recognise from JKR's Harry Potter.

**A/N: **This fic is A/U… just a warning for those who don't like A/U fics. It'll mainly be in the first person (Lily's POV), but changes will be obvious.

**-×Chapter One×-**

****

_He was advancing. Manic laughter could be heard. A family of wizards were to be killed this night. Death would be upon them. They could not escape. There was no one there to help them. A flash of green could be seen. Screams could be heard. Then, silence. Laughter echoed all around, piercing the aura of death. He'd struck again._

"NO!" I heard myself scream. I sat bolt upright. It'd happened again. I could feel cold sweat all around my body. "No…" I whispered under my breath. "Not again…"

I threw off my covers and ran out of my room. Luckily I was chosen to be Head Girl, so I could have my own dorm. If anything like this happened – which it did, very often, no one else would be awoken by my screams. Was this the reason Dumbledore picked me as head girl? I didn't stop to think about it. I felt my legs taking me somewhere, but my mind was elsewhere.

My mind was back to my 'dream'. I reached a gold statue of an eagle. "Pumpkin juice." I said breathlessly. I'd been running down four corridors and three floors, and I was out of breath. The eagle sprung to life, and turned to reveal a set of magnificent gold stairs. I'd been up those stairs millions of times in my past. I needed to tell Dumbledore about my dream. For a moment, I was worried that I might wake him if I were to go up at this time of…day, but this happened so frequently he must be used to it by now.

And he was. He was waiting for me in his office, sitting behind his desk, smiling behind his half moon glasses. His eyes were serene, unlike mine. Mine were terrified. I should be used to it by now, for I'd seen death in my dreams…or rather, nightmares, before. I was still breathing deeply, unable to get enough air in my system, but I didn't care. "Professor Dumbledore…it's happened again…"

-×-

Streams of sunlight were bursting through my windows. It was morning. I couldn't stop thinking about last night, and the dream again. Thank goodness he didn't kill twice in one night; otherwise I may have died of lack of oxygen. Why Dumbledore didn't situate the Head Girl's dorm nearer his office is beside me. Then again, not many head girls in the past have been like me. The Head Boy's dorm was next door. I looked at the red with gold rimmed door of the bathroom that was separating us – James and I.

Truth be told, he barely knew I existed 'til the beginning of the year when we were made the Head students, but that didn't stop me from noticing him. He was perfection in flesh. Sure, he could be arrogant, big-headed and down right rude at times, but he was still perfect in my eyes, and probably in the eyes of the entire student population of girls who weren't chasing his best friend, Sirius Black.

I knocked cautiously on the bathroom door to see if he may be in there. There was no reply – he wasn't. I opened the door and stepped in. I sighed. He wouldn't be in here anyways. I didn't understand why I bothered. He was always in the Gryffindor common room or in the Gryffindor dormitories with his best friends – Sirius Black, Remus Lupin, and the mousey Pettigrew.

I'd never liked him. I didn't know why, but maybe it was my kind of blood that decided that he may not be such an innocent little rat after all. He'd always had a weird aura around him that I couldn't decide what, not even with my sixth sense. I hated those visions. I'd have given anything just to be a normal witch like everybody else. From the day I got my Hogwarts letter six years ago, I was pretty sure it wasn't the same letter that everyone else got. Mine had a special sentence in it, that I was certain no-one else's had. What was the sentence? '_You're a Seer_.'

That's right, I'm a seer. The dream wasn't a dream. It was a vision. I always have visions. Visions of when a certain Dark Lord may, or has, or will strike. I have many times spoken to Professor Dumbledore about this. He sometimes helps me through them – kind of like therapy, but it doesn't help. Hardly anything helps me. But that is hardly surprising either. If you were to have nightmares almost every other night about a mass murderer killing innocent families of witches or wizards for pure pleasure, you'd also be rather disgusted, and sick. It twists your mind – the visions. They make you think things. Things that normal people don't. Things like who's the next Death Eater, and actually guess it spot on.

I used to be normal as normal can be. Just an average kid, going to primary school, but when I got my Hogwarts letter, I was taken to meet Professor Dumbledore the very next day. He knew I'd probably end up having these visions, for he knew about Voldemort. He knew about my 'gift', and he'd explained to me about it especially – how I'd be having visions, but I wasn't paying much attention, I was too busy thinking how amazing and unique being a seer was. I was rather excited at first, able to predict the future and so on. I'd thought Divination would be a piece of cake because of this 'gift', and how it'd be rather fun to be able to see what others were thinking, but this 'gift' didn't allow me to see what I wanted. It forced me to search deep into the darkness in my unconscious mind, where all my visions and senses were stored. I could only sense darkness, and that was tearing me apart.

I hated seeing dark. This was what was slowly driving me into insanity. I became a loner. I didn't want anyone to help me through this, because they'd be part of the pain too, and I didn't want them to feel that pain. It was unbearable for me alone, and I was a seer. Imagine what it'd do to others. So I isolated myself from the outside world. You'd always see my nose in a book; always see me alone in the reject area. I didn't make friends. I wanted to so badly, but if I did, I knew I'd somehow end up hurting them with my 'gift'.

You see, this 'gift', to me, is not a gift. It is the worst curse anyone can have. It destroys you slowly, until you have nothing left, no more happiness in your life, and all you see is darkness. Darkness, despair, and sorrow. I hated that. Petunia gave me enough of that when she found out I was a witch. I thought things would be better when I got a few friends in Hogwarts – my school, but no, I couldn't have friends. I wouldn't let them share my pain. I wouldn't tell anyone about my seer powers. If word got out about it to Voldemort, I wouldn't live a day longer and Dumbledore needed me to _see_ where he attacks, so he may send people to help him. The only ones on this planet who know I'm a seer are the teachers at this place. Not even my parents know, but it's just as well.

Sometimes I feel like I'm being used to save others, I don't mind that, but if I have to go through this much torture, I'd rather not. I knew this was being selfish, but no one knew what I was going through, and I wouldn't let them help me. Sometimes, not even Dumbledore.

I heard the door open next door. James was back. I hurriedly finished brushing my teeth, and washed my face, then ran back to my room, and closed the bathroom door as quickly as I could. I slumped down on the floor, my back rested against the bathroom door. I couldn't face him right now. I couldn't face anyone right now. I didn't want him to see me like this, in my weak state. I don't know if he's ever noticed how worn out I look, and I feel sad because he doesn't notice. I hate to think that he doesn't notice, but it's better that way.

I don't know if he's ever noticed me staring at him in class for hours on end, but I hoped he hasn't, otherwise he may not permit me to do so any more. Why stare at him? Because he's the only thing keeping me alive; knowing he's there, seeing his perfection, his smile, his eyes, watching him mess up his gorgeous ebony hair. It's what keeps me sane, knowing that maybe one day, he might notice me. Maybe one day, when I'm not going to put anyone else in danger, I can get him to notice me.

I sighed as I glanced toward a pile of letters on my bed-side table. Maybe he wasn't the only thing. I walked up and picked up a letter.

_Lily Dear,_

_Your father and I are truly proud of you for getting Head Girl. You deserved it, after all your effort and hard work. We think about you every day. Keep up your high standards, and always remember how much we love you._

_Your Parents._

I smiled. My parents had always been there for me through thick and thin. I'd even thought about telling them I was a seer, but Dumbledore warned me that if Voldemort got to them… I didn't want to think about that right now. My parents' letters always made me happy, even in my darkest times. They'd never let Petunia get to me. They knew how my older sister was always jealous of my smarts and my magic. To be honest, I'd rather be in her position any day. Not being burdened with seer abilities, but I realised that sometimes, it's better this way. Sure, I didn't like her for her continuous bullying and calling me a 'freak' whenever she was out of earshot of our parents, but I loved her all the same. She was still my sister. Sibling rivalry is in every family, and I'm just no exception. I didn't want her to go through my suffering.

But apart from my mum, dad, and being able to just see James, and breathe the air he'd breathed, there was nothing more for me. I studied hard, trying to keep my mind off visions. Sometimes I was even scared to go to sleep in the evening, just in fear that I may hear more blood-curdling screams, but drowsiness always found me in the end, and I'd wake up drenched in cold sweat, as usual.

I heard a knock on my door, and I went to answer it. The sight before me was enough to stop my breathing altogether. James was stood before me, with a lop-sided grin. I felt my heart skip a beat. My stomach churned unwillingly as I looked into his deep brown eyes, twinkling with amusement. His arms were crossed over his chest. The arms that any girl would die just to be in. His body was toned, after years of Quidditch. It did him good. His hair was still messy, as usual, but that's what I loved about it.

"Hey." He said. His voice was deep. He was so close to me I could feel his breath. I could smell his scent – his intoxicating scent. "Don't forget our first Prefect's meeting tonight, okay?" He finished, and then walked away down the corridor.

I looked at his retreating back. My mind was a mess. James Potter had just spoken to me. My eyes were still wide with disbelief. The most popular guy in school had spoken to me…and grinned at me. I shook myself. I was acting like an eleven-year-old school girl who had just had her first crush, but I realised: six years before, I _was_ an eleven-year-old school girl who had just had her first crush, and had never since gotten rid of that crush. I was beginning to think it was turning out to be more than just a crush, but I couldn't let that happen. It would ruin me for good.

I closed the door. I couldn't believe it. For the first time in seven years, James Potter had noticed me. Was this a good sign? I didn't know. I wasn't sure. In fact, I wasn't sure of anything these days. Even some of my visions had been acting up. I could easily distinguish a dream from a vision, but it was getting harder for me to do so now. I didn't know why. Maybe I was losing power. I would be glad of that. If I lost that power, I wouldn't be a hazard any longer.

I sighed again. My eyes darted to the clock. It was time for breakfast, but I wasn't hungry. My heart was still beating as fast as a humming bird's.

* * *

"So, Prongs, my man, did you do it?" Sirius asked as James walked into the boy's dorm once again.

"Yeah, and by the look on her face, it's going to be easier than I thought." James smirked.

"You know, you really should play with people's feelings like that, James, especially not that Evans girl. She doesn't look…up to one of your emotional pranks…" A boy with sandy hair and cool grey eyes said from behind a book. "Maybe you should just leave her alone?" Beside him, a short, chubby boy nodded with a little look of fear in his eyes, but he was ignored.

"Aw, Moony! Don't spoil all the fun! It's only a little prank. She can handle it, besides, she's Head Girl; she'll be smart enough to figure it out before she falls for you." Sirius laughed. He had ebony hair, like James, but his was less messy. His eyes had been dancing with delight over the fact that the Marauders were back in pranking business.

James frowned. "Are you saying I can't get a bookworm to fancy me?"

Sirius laughed again. He loved teasing James, and James knew that. They weren't best friends for nothing. "Prove it, Prongs."

"Gladly." James replied, with an unusual glint in his eyes.

-×-

**A/N: **Did you like it? Or not? A review would be nice. :)

**-3 Always,**

**-Cryst**

**AKA LivingDreams**

**tintedroses.cjb.net**


	2. Chapter Two

**Her Gift – Her Curse**

**A/N: **As I said before, this is **A/U**, so yeah, sorry if I didn't make that clear before. Thank you's at the bottom.

**-×Chapter Two×-**

****

The day had passed quickly for me. I'd been buried under homework again, and even after I'd finished all of them and double, triple checked through, I'd continued to write more, just to try and get better marks, and also for something to do. All day I'd been thinking about James. I really couldn't stop thinking about him…how close I'd been to him this morning. I could still smell his scent somewhere in my mind…or maybe it'd been that he had chosen to sit next to me in literally every class we were in. I could hardly concentrate, my heart had been pounding so much I thought it might just burst any second, but I wouldn't let myself get distracted.

He'd conversed with me many times, and I'd basically ignored him, giving him only one word answers. I couldn't let my feelings get in the way of my work, or in the way of my _seeing_. I still carried the weight of that on my shoulders. My mind hoped he would leave me alone, so I wouldn't give in to temptation and just spill out my heart to him or something, but my heart was crying out for him to stay… and he did. I didn't want it though. I was scared. I'd never been so scared in my life, not even when I was 'dreaming'.

I was so scared that I might truly fall for him. He had acted like a gentleman all day, following me, carrying my books for me. Whatever you named, he did. At one stage, he was being so kind that I'd almost cried knowing I could never return the kindness. I'd have to act cold towards him, to get him to dislike me, to get him to hate me. I couldn't bear hurting him, dragging him down with my pain. It wouldn't happen. I couldn't let that happen.

I couldn't understand why he was being so nice to me. I didn't understand why he suddenly was being so courteous to me, _me_, the one that he'd never even knew walked this planet until the beginning of the year. Maybe it was because I was Head Girl, and he was just being polite, but if that was it, I'd rather not be Head Girl. I'd rather just stare at him from afar, like I had for the past six years.

The day went by so slowly I thought I'd die if it carried on any longer, but when the bell signalled the last of the lessons, I couldn't help but sigh with relief. I'd be away from James, and he couldn't tempt me any longer. I was rushing to get out, when I heard his familiar voice call out to me again, "Don't forget our first prefects meeting tonight!"

I thought my heart had stopped. _More _of seeing James? I didn't know if I could take it any longer. As I hurriedly walked out of class, I was sure I heard some voices snicker, but I put that behind me, because that's where James was – behind me, and I couldn't face him again. One moment longer and I thought I might have just broken down knowing he was so near, yet so far. Knowing that I couldn't have him, because of my 'gift'. I couldn't have anyone. I couldn't risk putting them in danger. It would be worse to put those I love in danger, than have people I love.

* * *

Sirius was shaking his head and grinning wildly as he placed a hand on James's shoulder. "Somehow, I don't think she's quite as smitten with you as you… _portrayed_ her to be?"

James scowled. He had been putting on the infamous Potter charm all day that all girls dropped dead for. What was her problem? Why didn't she fall for it? He growled in annoyance, and stalked off.

Remus and the chubby person, Peter Pettigrew, joined Sirius. Remus was grinning. "You're right, Sirius. Maybe the Evans girl _is _smart enough not to fall for James."

"Of course, Remus," Sirius turned to face one of his best friends, and put on a cocky grin. "I'm _always _right."

Remus merely snorted, shook his head and rolled his eyes at him. Pettigrew stayed silent as he watched them laughing. He looked thoughtful, which wasn't a sight you'd see every day.

* * *

I glared at my clock on the wall. 7:25, it read. I'd been glaring at it for the past 25 minutes, wishing it would maybe magically combust, then I'd have an excuse for missing the prefects meeting, but, alas, no avail. The meeting would start in five minutes sharp. I sighed, and walked to my door. As I turned the handle and opened it, I almost died of a heart attack. Not only was James there looking more handsome than I'd ever seen him, but the shock that he _was_ there and I wasn't expecting was enough to give anyone a heart attack. It was almost as if he had hidden behind a wall, and jumped out yelling "BOO!" when I least expected it.

"Care to let me escort you, oh fair lady?" he asked, lifting an arm. My heart was jumping up my throat. I couldn't take his arm, but I wanted to so badly…and… I didn't want to be rude, so I hooked mine through his, and we walked down the corridor to the meeting room. Heads turned as we walked. Many girls short poisonous glares my way, but some guys wolf-whistled. I couldn't understand why they were wolf-whistling… or _what_ they were wolf-whistling about…

I looked up at James, and he was smirking.

-×-

"Um… hi, everyone…" I began. I couldn't think what to say. I'd never been good with people, or at speeches. They were too public, and I wasn't that kind of girl. The walk to the room took what seemed like years, but it was probably only minutes. Outside, he had held open the door for me, and allowed me to walk in before he did, courting me like a true gentleman. I didn't know what to think. Thank goodness the first two prefects arrived only two minutes after we got there – not nearly long enough for James to attempt to engage me in conversation again.

By the end, I was so surprised I'd actually managed to talk in front of more than one person, let alone eight prefects, and the man of my dreams, _and _manage to sort out the wispy outlines of a Halloween masked ball. I felt utterly proud of myself as everyone waved 'bye' to me and left, but then, as I turned to leave, James called to me once again. I turned around, and he was there, right beside me. I couldn't breathe. He was so close to me. Closer than anyone had ever been before, and I was close to him. It was all too much for me.

"Hey…" he whispered. His breath was tickling my neck. I shivered involuntarily. "I guess you're not the shy, quiet Evans I'd known you to be for so long after all, are you?"

_Known for so long? _What did he mean by that? How long had he known me? But he was too close. I couldn't think any longer. I saw him leaning down. His eyes were closed, and he was leaning closer…

I pulled away. This couldn't happen to me. I couldn't allow this to happen. I ran. I ran as fast as my legs could take me back to the Head Girl's dorm. I slammed the door shut, and collapsed at the foot of it. My heart was still pounding – worse than before in fact. I cried. I cried softly, but I cried my heart out. For the first time in six years, I'd known what it felt like to be heart-broken, and it was my fault I was heart-broken.

I couldn't allow him to kiss me. It would be giving up all that I believed in, all that I was told. I couldn't let anyone close to me, especially not James, for I cared about him more than I did myself. Why couldn't he have been any other boy? That I could have turned down easily? That my heart wasn't screaming out for? It would have been so much simpler that way. I would have just left and deserted him like I had everyone else who had tried to come near me and become my friend.

I couldn't let them become my friend. I hated my 'gift'. I wished more than anything to be rid of it, or that it wouldn't have happened to me in the first place, then, maybe I could make friends and not feel guilty. Maybe then, I could love and feel peace at the same time. Maybe then, I could be with James and be happy. But I couldn't.

I couldn't let him get hurt because of me, but I had a sinking suspicion I already had, yet a part of me feels like it's not that simple. Maybe there's a reason behind why he's been acting weird, then suddenly trying to kiss me. Maybe it wasn't the same reason that I had wanted to kiss him so badly. Maybe it didn't come from the heart.

I couldn't sleep. I lay on my bed for half an hour, thinking about today. James had become so nice to me so fast. What was going on?

* * *

James stormed into the Gryffindor boy's dorm room, only to be greeted by sly grins and widened eyes.

"James, how'd it go?" Remus was the first to speak, but when he saw James's frown, his expression changed to worry. "What happened?"

"Yeah, tell us, Prongs! Did you kiss?" Sirius asked, not quite catching on to James's upturned smile. Remus glared at him to shut him up, but Sirius didn't catch that either.

James wasn't in the mood for any of this, especially not Sirius's taunting if he knew what truly happened. "Get lost." He hissed as he pulled his hangings tightly shut, and magically produced a 'Do **NOT **Disturb' sign in front of his four poster.

Remus and Sirius shrugged to each other. Pettigrew looked even deeper in thought. James was furious. How could a girl resist him? _Him_? His Potter charm? What was happening? Was he losing his touch? Or was Evans just purely insane? Yeah. That was it. That had to be it. Trust Dumbledore to pick an insane Head Girl. He'd get her tomorrow. She couldn't be that hard to get to.

James smirked to himself. A plan was already formulating in his mind, and it involved his three best friends… if this prank was to be completed, they were required to help, and he knew they would. It couldn't go wrong.

****

-×-

**A/N:** Oh my goodness… I posted this fic, and then went off for a walk… an hour later, I discovered I had SIX reviews… **SIX REVIEWS!!! **Do you guys know how much that means to me?! I was ecstatic – I seriously was. Annie (midnightprowler) can prove this 'cause I called her up and was (literally) screaming down the phone, 'OMG I GOT **SIX** REVIEWS!!! **_SIX _**REVIEWS IN ONLY ONE HOUR!!!' then, when I checked back later, I saw I had **TWENTY-SIX **reviews!!! My jaw had dropped and I almost fell off my chair! This is the most number of reviews I'd **EVER **had for one chapter in my history of writing!!! Not to mention the fastest amount of time that the reviews have been coming!!! – I want to thank you guys SO much!!! **THANKYOU!!!** And to show my gratitude, I will write thanks to all of them personally (which I don't usually do)! Remember: the longer the review, the longer the thanks…'cause there's more to say. Haha.

**Midnightprowler** – yeah, first reviewer, but only because I told you about it as SOON as I posted it! My chapter lengths are getting better too? Why, thank you!

**A Harry and Ginny Dreamer** – no, the review didn't make me _happy_, it made me _ecstatic_, it seriously did! I'm glad I live up to the standard you're expecting! And being only the second L/J fic that you've read, you truly make me feel honoured! Thank you so much!

**Hc** – thank you! To be honest, I'm weird myself, so yeah! Haha.

**Laura** – yeah, I know what you mean! But the interesting thing is: I've actually written the ending!!! Now all I have to do is write the rest! Haha. I've got my plot worked out and everything! I just have to write it! (Weird, aren't I?) About the complaint: yes, he did, but this is A/U…sorry!

**Missminty** – thank you! And I will!...Try to, at least…

**Piper13** – thank you lots! I'm glad people are looking forward to updates! :D

**Captain Riley Sparrow** – I definitely do? Aw! Thank you!

**Saia May Dursley** – Haha! Have his head? That should be an interesting sight! Thank you!

**Ferret 3136** – thank you! Kill someone? Haha! I never thought someone would kill someone to read more! Even if you were just kidding, I'm honoured. Thank you!

**Holly-evans** – I will, thank you, thank you! Lol.

**Alycia** – thank you! I'm trying to update A.S.A.P, but dad sometimes kicks me off the computer, which gets rather… irritating, lets just say. Thank you for your review!

**Apricot-chan** – evil, evil Jamesie indeed! Haha! (Or is it just evil, evil me, making Jamesie evil? MUAHAHAHAHA… uh …no, just kidding…)

**Mooncheese** – oh my gosh! I fell about laughing when I read your review! It was really amusing! I really enjoyed reading it! Thank you for making your review so comical! You really lead me on with the 'dear, dear, dear' bit – I thought it was going to be my first flamer, but no, it turned out to be a really nice review!!! Thank you SO much for that! 'O gifted writer'? You really are too much, you know that? As for the 'cloud of smoke' – very imaginative!!! Thank you for the humorous review!!! Bows low, and then vanishes under James's invisibility cloak… YES! I admit! I stole it. -Hangs head in shame.-

**Greengoldfish1** – thank you! I will hurry! (Or at least do my best to!)

**OjosAzules** – thank you! And it may just get a bit more interesting… Haha.

**Ashton Rushing** – thank you! I'll try to keep it up, but I find that after my first chapter, my writing kind of goes down hill… if that's happening, please let me know, I'll try to improve.

**AngelsChains124** – thank you! Thank you, and thank you again!

**Alex **– aw! That is SO sweet! Thank you!!!

**Pantz** – whoa! Have you checked out _all _of my HP fics so far? Thank you SO much! And please update **Solitude **soon… if you're the same Pantz I'm thinking of! (I recommend that to anyone else reading this!)

**MPPLilyPotter** – thank you SO much! And thank you for the offer, but I have my whole plot planned out, and I think I'll stick with it because changing it too much is going to be weird, but if you have any ideas, or notice any mistakes, please notify me anyway! Thank you!

**Madame Zu Zu** – thank you! But Lily being a seer will be the main plot line… sorry if you don't like it because of that…

**Luthien RhiannonCat5** – thank you! Thank you, thank you very much!

**Nikki** – thank you! And I have! Is this soon enough? I would have updated earlier, but dad wouldn't let me on the computer…

**Darkness Call **– thank you so much! I am **honoured **that you want to translate my fic into French! (Take that as a yes :D!)

**Papaya mango** – thank you! There will be more Remus in the next chapter, I PROMISE!!! And as for the 'don't make them too mean'… well… um… no comment? -Sweat drop-

**Ted** – thanks.

Thank you for reviewing!!! And if you didn't review, thank you for taking the time to read my fic anyway!

**-3 Always,**

**-Cryst**

**AKA LivingDreams**

**tintedroses.cjb.net**

**P.S. if you find that my writing is going downhill, please tell me, and I my best to improve. I find it usually happens like that, so yeah. If I don't have as many reviews as I did last time, I will try to make the next chapter even better than my first, so that I get more! Thank you all!**

**P.P.S. does anyone else find that certain people add you to author alerts, or favourite authors, yet they didn't review, or add you to favourite stories so you don't actually know what they're adding you for? I get that… and I sometimes feel like maybe they added me by accident… I don't know. Is it just me?**


	3. Chapter Three

**Her Gift – Her Curse**

**A/N: **As I said before, this is **A/U**. Thank you's at the bottom.

**-×Chapter Three×-**

_"You have failed me."_

_Voices hissed anger in the darkness. Scowls and looks of disgust were plastered among many surrounding the figure quivering with fear in the centre, but none could be seen, for it was __midnight__, and pitch black._

_"No, master, please! Have mercy on me! I won't fail you next ti-"_

_"There won't **BE** a next time!" the first voice roared, instantly stopping any noise that was made before. Some looked in his direction, terrified. Others looked triumphant – like this coward deserved to die._

_Everyone knew what was to come._

_"Avada Keda…"_

I gasped loudly. I wasn't sweating as badly as I had the other night. This was probably because the one that had been dying was a Death Eater. Voldemort was killing his own kind, not an innocent, but I still couldn't stop shaking. So many times I've heard the killing curse being said, yet every single time, I still felt terrified, like one day, it may just step out of my dreams, and face me instead.

My legs took over, and I ran, panting, to Professor Dumbledore's office another time. That place had become like a second 'home', inside Hogwarts, to me, since I always got up in the middle of the night – or in this case, 2 a.m. in the morning – to run there, and report another murder.

-×-

I yawned. It was 7 a.m., and I had only had 5 hours sleep last night, and I was dead tired. I had gone to bed at midnight – thinking about what happened, or in this case, what _almost_ happened between James and I, then I had an hour long chat with Dumbledore and lay awake for another hour afterwards. I was rather worn out, but I guessed it was just my bad luck to be landed with this 'gift'…

* * *

"You want us to **_what_**?!" Sirius and Remus almost yelled before James quickly hushed them. They both shared unbelieving faces at what James had just asked them to do. Peter looked excited.

"James, I never thought you'd go _this _far to get that girl!" Remus gaped.

"Yeah! I mean, the second part, sure, any guy's done that before, but asking us to-" Sirius continued from him, but was, once again, shushed by James.

"Look, you guys, if we're- ("you're" supplied Remus) -_I'm_ going to pull this prank off, I need your help. After all, we do it _all _the time! Why's Evans any different?"

"Because, Prongs, none of the other girls we've done this to is like Evans. They were all sluts that we'd played in the past – they _enjoyed _stuff like that – Evans had been untouched by anybody in her entire existence at Hogwarts, maybe even her entire existence altogether." Sirius answered, and for once in his life, earnestly. Remus nodded beside him.

"I think it's a brilliant idea!" Peter suddenly spoke, surprising everyone.

James grinned. "I'm glad _one _of us agrees with me!"

"Yeah, the Potter-butt-kisser." Sirius muttered beneath his breath so only he and Remus could hear. The corners of Remus's lips twitched.

"So, are you guys in, or what?" James asked, trying one last time. He was getting very annoyed, and his best friends could tell. They nodded, but very reluctantly. "Good."

"But I'm only standing guard, nothing more, and you're not going to make me, understood?" Remus's tone was set. James rolled his eyes and sighed. It was an unspoken 'yes'.

* * *

"Hey, bookworm!" someone sneered into my ear as I was walking to the great hall for lunch. I got that a lot. I didn't mind. What I did mind, was what then did next – they grabbed me, and shoved me into the nearest broom cupboard. It was dark, but I could see two silhouettes coming up to me from the light through the gap of the double doors. I knew they were advancing upon me. I could feel them. I opened my mouth to scream, but I heard them mutter the silence charm. I reached for my wand, to attempt to undo the spell, only to find that it wasn't there.

One of them gripped my shoulders, the other, my top. My eyes were wide with horror as I understood what they were trying to do. On instinct, I brought my knee up to contact something soft. I heard a muffled "oof" as one backed off, clutching somewhere I couldn't make out. The other still had a firm grip on my shoulders. I raised an arm and punched, but they dodged. _Talk about reflexes…_I thought to myself.

"Um… hey, Potter." I heard a masculine voice outside the cupboard say. "Potter!" I tried to yell, but the silence charm was still in effect. I attempted to wriggle out of the person's grasp, but I couldn't. Everything in the cupboard became still. They were trying to be undetected, and, apparently, they had a guard outside, trying to get rid of anyone who came near.

"Um… Potter… don't go in there." the voice said. It was very familiar. "There's a snogging couple."

_What a lame excuse. _I thought to myself. _'Snogging couple'?_ Unfortunately, I knew that's what the two in the cupboard wanted, but they weren't going to get that. Not if I had anything to say – or rather, do, about it.

I kicked the nearest broom off its hanging place on the wall. This knocked off a couple of others. There was a loud clang. The once still figure on the ground suddenly made to grasp them and stop the racket, but I could see the outline of their hand, and I kicked it with all the force I could muster. They retracted to the ground, this time, clutching their hand, and whimpered. The strong hands holding me down loosed for a moment, wanting to help the friend in pain, but returned to pinning me against the wall, scared I'd escape out.

"What was that?" I heard James ask.

"The couple, of course. Must be _very _intense, don't you think so?"

That guy was certainly a swift liar. There wasn't a single hiccough his in speech, but what he said almost made me sick.

Luckily, James didn't buy it. "A snogging couple that needs someone to guard a door, a bunch of broomsticks knocked over, along with the movement of a kick-"

_Wow, _I thought, _James has good hearing…_

"-followed by a whimper… what's going on?!" he demanded.

I saw, through the gap between the doors, an arm raised, blocking James's way. James shoved him aside.

The double doors swung open. Light poured in. The grip on my shoulders loosened immediately. Three people scurried away. They looked so familiar, but James stood in front of me, blocking my view, before I could crane my neck and see who they were.

"Evans! Are you alright?"

There was worry written all over his face, but as I looked into his eyes, I could see a triumphant gleam. What was going on?

"Evans?" he asked me again. I nodded that I was fine. There was that little jolt in my heart again. He relaxed.

"I was just getting a broom to have a fly around-"

I knew that already. If your name was James Potter, you spent half your life on a broomstick. He was just stating the obvious. He rambled on about something, but I wasn't paying attention. I felt bad about it, but something didn't feel right, and when it didn't feel right to me, it usually _wasn't _right. My eyes were dazed out, and he seemed to have noticed, for he called my name once again.

"Lily?"

That caught my attention – that one little word. All other thoughts flew out of my mind, leaving nothing behind, as if they had never been there in the first place.

He had called me 'Lily'. I missed hearing that name. I hadn't heard anyone call me that since I started at Hogwarts School of Witchcraft and Wizardry. When I went back home for the holidays, my parents always called me 'Flower', Petunia always called me 'Freak'. Sure my parents wrote 'Lily' in letters, but I hadn't heard my proper name being called in so long, and now, James was calling me 'Lily'. _James_! The man of my dreams when I wasn't having visions. My heart jolted another time.

"Wh-What?" I asked, surprised. For a second, I could have sworn I saw James blush a bit, but his 'cool' posture returned in the blink of an eye.

"Lily. You don't mind if I call you that, do you?" he asked, suddenly averting his gaze from me to the ground. There was a faint blush. I couldn't stop but gaze in awe at his face – how cute it was.

"No… of course not…" I finally answered. He beamed. "Can I call you 'James'?"

He nodded. His smile grew wider, but behind that smile, I saw a smirk. Why was he smirking?

"Hey, Potter!" one of his Quidditch team-mates called. I didn't know who they were, but it was a rather tall man who was obviously in my year. He had dark blue eyes with the slightest hints of brown. His hair was dyed blue, and it suited him. He spoke to James, and then James turned to me.

"We're going to do a bit of practising. Will you come watch?" he asked me. I shook my head – no. I wasn't interested in Quidditch to say the least. My time was pre-occupied with visions and homework. During all the past matches, I had always stayed in the common room and studied. Whenever we had won, which was almost always, there would always be a party thrown until a Professor McGonagall came stopped it at around 1 a.m. I had always stayed up in the dorm and read silently. That was until this year, when I became Head Girl.

I will never be interested in Quidditch; even though there were so many times I had been tempted to watch James play. To watch his wild hair become even wilder in the wind. To watch him glide with grace around the Quidditch pitch, and to watch him smile his dazzling smile as he did a victory lap when Gryffindor had won, but I never did. I resisted the temptation, like I had every time I saw him in class.

For the past few days, the temptation has become even greater, and it wasn't a surprise to me why, and I had resisted it. I always had to resist. It seemed like that was all I had done since I knew of my 'gift'.

James looked disappointed, and muttered an "Oh."

I saw him take out his broom – I had no idea what type it was, nor was I interested in finding out. It looked brand new, but that was only because he polished it every other night. I saw him leave with his friend. I heard him laugh, and that laughter rang. It was music to my ears. I saw him walk out the door, not turning back to wave goodbye. I felt my heart clench once more.

-×-

I was gazing out of the window of the Gryffindor common room, after finding my wand not too far from the cupboard itself. It seemed like forever since I had last been there. Several students waved to me, and I smiled back, not wanting to be rude. I didn't feel hungry any more after what had just happened, so I decided to watch James's practise for a while. James had probably eaten already.

I had a perfect view of the Quidditch pitch, and I saw James there. He was with the Marauders, talking to them, maybe Quidditch practise was cancelled, but I saw his other team mates practising above.

My eyes dropped back to the four on the ground. They were still talking. I could read lips, but I didn't want to intrude on their personal business. James would probably never forgive me if he knew I was listening in on one of their private conversations. And yes, I knew it was private, for there was not a person within a fifteen metre radius of them. All the students walking past avoided their path, and they were standing close together. They were probably just planning their next prank.

Pettigrew was clutching his hand. I could make out a faint purple bruise around the area his other hand was clutching it. My eyes narrowed in suspicion. That seemed like the place I had tried to kick the other guy when I was in the… no. I shook those thoughts away. Maybe he had just whacked it somewhere by accident. Besides, the cupboard was dark, and I couldn't actually see where I _had _actually kicked. Besides, why would _he_ be interested in _me_? Unless it was for a different reason…

I shook my head in disbelief that I was even thinking about that. Sure, I was angry at the people who were trying to rape me, but I had no right to go blaming James's best friends, after all, James was the one who saved me.

I saw James give Sirius Black a toothy grin, and, after all these years, I still couldn't believe how perfect his teeth were, how perfect his smile was. How perfect _he_ was.

* * *

"Good going, guys." James congratulated the Marauders. They had met him on the Quidditch pitch. James had decided he didn't want to have a fly around after all when his best friends turned up. Besides, it was lunch time, and the proper practise wouldn't be until later.

Sirius scowled. "Remind me NEVER to go near her again. If I hadn't dodged that punch on time it would have hurt – BAD."

Peter was holding his hand in his other one. "Padfoot, I got kicked… twice! And yet _you're _complaining?"

Sirius's scowl grew deeper. "I never forced you to do it. I was against it. **_You _**were the one who was saying what an 'utterly brilliant idea' it was!" at the last bit, Sirius's voice had gone high-pitched, mock imitating Peter, who frowned and muttered, "I didn't say 'utterly'…"

James grinned at Sirius. "Well, you still did well, my friend. If she suspected you before, she definitely wont any more. After all, _I _saved her." Here, James's grin grew wider, as Sirius rolled his eyes, and Peter beamed. Remus raised an eyebrow.

"James- ("Prongs," James corrected. "What's the point in having nicknames if you aren't going to use them?") -Prongs, then. _Anyways, _as I was saying, are you sure this is going to work?" he asked.

"Of course. Once phase two is complete, she'll be pleading for my love." James answered cockily.

Remus's raised eyebrow rose even further. "So you're saying, that she's going to see you and… yeah, then she's going to get wildly jealous, and spill her heart to you, declaring how much she loves you?"

James nodded.

Sirius snorted. "Something tells me she's not that kind of girl, you know? Prongs, you really come up with the craziest ideas."

"Yeah, but have you ever seen any of them fail? I'm _James_, remember? I have a way with women."

"Sure, _James_, but you forget that if it wasn't for me, your 'way with women' wouldn't exist. I still don't think she'll fall for it. She hasn't fallen for your Potter charm so far, has she?" Sirius took his hands out of his pockets, and folded them over his lean chest.

"That's only because she's stupid." James protested indignantly.

Remus sighed. "Look, Prongs, she's _Head Girl_. She's anything _but _stupid. Maybe you should just give up. I mean, it's not like you're betting or anything…"

"Yeah, give up!" Sirius's eyes lit up and wore a wide grin. Remus looked at him suspiciously.

"NO!" Peter almost yelled. Remus began to eye Peter just as suspiciously. James, on the other hand, took this as a sign of encouragement, and said, "You know, guys, you should be more like Pete here. Try to be more encouraging? Besides, there's no need to worry. After phase two, the prank will be complete."

-×-

James had gone to complete phase two. The three remaining Marauders stood where they had been before. Remus was eyeing them both.

"You _are_ betting, aren't you?" he asked, and when they both hung their heads and nodded, Remus sighed. "We agreed on no betting, didn't we?"

More nods.

Remus suddenly smirked, but his two friends didn't notice as they were trying to avoid his eyes. "I bet twenty galleons that he can't do it."

Sirius and Peter's heads shot up, eyes wide, mouths hanging. Remus wasn't the kind to be betting, but they shrugged it off, and decided that Remus had finally decided to walk on the wild side.

Sirius was the first one to properly react. "Looks like Pete here will owe twice as much by the end of it." He said, winking at Peter, who was pouting angrily. He had also betted twenty galleons that James wouldn't be able to finish the prank, namely ditch Lily after he'd got her, but Peter, being one of the dumbest students at Hogwarts, simply thought they meant that James wouldn't be able to get Lily to say the three little words.

* * *

I was confused. James had gone off to practise Quidditch, yet he ended up having a little chat with his best friends, then walking off, smirking. I didn't quite understand it, but I could never quite understand James. I hadn't known him long enough. Maybe one day I will, but that day wasn't today. Even if I had spent half my life gazing at him in secret, I still couldn't understand him fully. I shrugged it away.

The bell had gone, signalling for my fourth lesson of the day. I stepped out of the common room, and made my way to Divination. I had always hated that subject. Maybe it was because our professor always liked predicting our deaths, and dark things that reminded me of my visions. I sighed. The next hour would be a long one.

-×-

I stepped out of the great hall. Dinner had just been served, and I had eaten my fill. The Marauders – excluding James – had sat near me. They ate as if they hadn't eaten all day, but I was sure I saw them at breakfast. Maybe they missed lunch or something. I didn't bother to think about it. I was wondering where James was. I hadn't wanted to ask his friends, for they might get…ideas, so I decided to keep my mouth shut.

I was wandering around the castle grounds, when I spotted James… with a girl… and they were kissing…

-×-

**A/N: **Sorry if that was the WORST chapter yet (even though it's the longest yet – 8 pages on MSWord). I feel like it has been… too much chat, not much emotion… the next one will be better though, so please bear with me! I know this chapter has been sucky, so I'm not expecting many reviews, but no matter, the next chapter will hopefully make up for that! By the way, I know James's eyes are hazel, it's just Lily who doesn't know that yet. She's been mainly avoiding his eyes, even when she'd been watching him from afar. It'll be explained about that later… (I just thought I'd say that, 'cause I keep saying his 'deep brown eyes', so yeah.)

**Thank you to those who reviewed for chapter two!!! I'm not going to write individual thank you's for all of them because it makes the word count misleading, but THANK YOU _SO_ MUCH!!! I LOVE YOU ALL!**

**Greengoldfish1 Saia May Dursley Jocelyn missminty holly-evans lily hostetler grincat Mooncheese PatchLover08 **

**James Lacy IceSugarHigh shadowed.phoenix gryffspopgurl sendirella Papaya Mango **

Thank you all!!! Especially those who reviewed. If you didn't, thank you for taking the time to read my fic! I'm still honoured anyway!

**-3 Always,**

**-Cryst**

**AKA LivingDreams**

**tintedroses.cjb.net **


	4. Chapter Four

**Her Gift – Her Curse**

**A/N: **Sorry for the utterly rubbish last chapter – I'm so surprised I still got **eleven **reviews! Hopefully this chapter makes up for the past one. Enjoy!__

**-×Chapter Four×-**

I was wandering around the castle grounds, when I spotted James… with a girl… and they were kissing…

I felt tears sting in my eyes, but I blinked them away. I'd seen him kissing girls before, this time should be no different, but it was. This time, I thought he actually liked me. I cursed myself for being so stupid. I spun on my heel and walked away as fast as my legs could take me. I didn't run. Running would make me look like I was hurt, and I couldn't show that.

I heard James's voice call me, but I didn't stop walking. Why was he calling me? Was he angry that I upset his snogging session? I felt more tears sting at my eyes, but I simply refused to let them fall. I felt a hand grab my wrist and I was forced to turn around. The first thing I saw was the deep brown orbs that belonged to James. I quickly averted my gaze before I saw his expression. I didn't want to look at him.

"Sorry I interrupted your-" I began.

"No, I'm sorry… she means nothing to me, really, she just came onto me and I guess I just…" he had cut me off, but he didn't finish his sentence. I looked at him. My expression was cool, but my heart was thumping. He truly looked apologetic. His eyes were desperately telling me to believe him. I didn't know what to believe, but I did know one thing.

"There's nothing for you to be sorry for, and you don't need to explain anything. There's nothing between us, and there never will be. Goodbye, James." I said to him, then once again, spun on my heel, and walked away. I was void of any expression, but my heart had just shattered – it was like I was breaking up with him, when we hadn't even begun, but I had to say it. It was the best opportunity to leave him, to tell him to leave me alone – to get lost. It was as if fate had just stepped in, and gave me the perfect way out.

I had never wanted to do that, but I needed to, to protect him. Maybe some day I would regret my decision, and wish that I had never 'given him up', but right now, what I had to do was clearer than crystal. I hated myself for saying that to him, but yet I loved myself for it too. I_ needed_ him, and that's why I couldn't have him.

I _needed_ to see his drop-dead-gorgeous smile every day. I _needed_ to see him mess up his messy locks of ebony every day. I _needed_ to see him prank anyone and everyone for amusement, so I _needed_ to stay away from him. I couldn't put him in danger because of me. Sure, there was no proof that my secret had gotten out, but what if it had? And I was with James? Voldemort's first victim would be him – the man that I loved. The man whose life I valued so much more than my own.

I could die, and I wouldn't give a damn in the world about it, but if he died because of me, or if anyone I loved died because of me, then I would kill myself. I would never forgive myself, because in a way, I would have murdered them.

Some day, if James really liked me, he would thank me for what I just did. It may have been short-term painful, but it would have probably saved his life in the long-run. Besides, what proof was there that James actually liked me?

-×-

I was lying on my bed, thinking. I had walked straight to my dorm after what had happened. I didn't turn back to see if James was still standing there. I was too scared to. I was too scared that I would accidentally-on-purpose run back to him, begging him that I hadn't mean to say it all, but there was his safety to think about, along with my pride.

James had come and went too suddenly. Was it just all only a dream? A forever dreamt about dream? I pinched myself, and it hurt. Silent tears rolled down my cheeks. Maybe I had just lost the best thing that had ever happened to me, but at least now he'd leave me alone to my own thoughts and pain. At least now, I could return to watching and loving him from afar.

Before, it was so easy to not be noticed by anyone, but since James had noticed me, and since I had become Head Girl, a lot more people came to me, whether it was just a student coming to say 'hello', or a prefect asking for help, people still came to me. I wanted so badly for life to go back to the way it was before. Before my seventh year, when James never knew I existed.

But now, I had a hole in my heart – a hole that was once filled by James. Watching him would be different from now on. I can no longer watch him, and think 'wow… how lucky I would be if I was his girlfriend', because I had ruined that chance. And I hated myself for it. Even if it was for his protection, I still hated myself for it. I hated myself for having this cursed 'gift'.

My heart was shattered, and nothing would be able to piece it back together. I heard voices chatting along the corridor. Dinner must be over. I was glad I only saw him during dinner, when there was hardly anybody about. I hated 'scenes', and I hated them worse if I created one, which I was glad I never did. If I was to yell at someone, I'd do it in private. I hated being noticed. I hated it with all my heart.

More tears slid down my cheeks as I thought about what I had said to James. It was harsh, I know, but there was no other way. I guessed it wouldn't be too bad anyway. He had never told me he'd liked me. Sure, he'd leant down to kiss me before, but that was probably just his mistake. We never spoke about it afterwards; in fact, we acted like it never happened. Maybe we could do the same for this, but I knew we couldn't. At least, _I_ couldn't. If he'd forgotten about it, I'd have to remind him. My heart was shattering into smaller pieces as I thought about all the sorrow I'd had to go through. This was the worst yet. Maybe, if fate was still with me, he'd forget about me, move on, and forget anything and everything that had happened between us, yet I couldn't help but think that this was affecting him just as much as it was me.

* * *

James couldn't understand it. Did Lily just turn him down? Did a _girl_ just turn him down? Sure, she'd done it before, but this was different. Last time, she'd just ran away from him without a word, straight to her dorm, but maybe she was just tired, but this time… her words… they had hurt him.

She had been the first girl to ever deny him… and she'd done it twice.

James just stood there, dumbstruck. The girl he'd just pulled into a deep kiss walked up to him and touched his arm anxiously. James was angry. How _dare_ a _girl_ turn him down… twice?!

James brushed her away roughly, and stalked away. Her amber eyes flared fiercely…

-×-

The doors to the great hall flung open to reveal none other, than a furious James Potter. He had the attention of everyone, but one glare and they all turned back to what they had been doing, be it talking, or eating. Even the teachers didn't want to tell him off for such a rude entrance for the look in his eyes told anyone not to mess with him.

He flung himself down by the Marauders, and began to shove as much food in his mouth as it could handle. His three best friends watched in amazement, and amusement.

"Evans giving you a hard time, Prongs?" Sirius snickered. "Let me guess, she isn't 'begging for your love'?"

Remus couldn't hide a smirk, and Peter looked horrified that he might just loose 40 galleons.

James was _not _in any mood to be teased, but as much as he hated to admit it, Sirius was right. His plan had failed. Things weren't supposed to end this way! And, without knowing it, he had chewed and eaten his way through more than all the Marauders ate…put together! Yes, _that _was how angry he was. In fact, he wasn't truly angry. His emotions towards Lily had also consisted amusement, shock, and respect.

No girl had ever turned him down before. She was the first. He had to admit, he respected her a lot for doing so, but this just meant that he'd try even harder to make her tell him she loves him. Usually, girls only took two hours to give in. The maximum amount of time was two days before, but now, things may just be changing. He needed another plan to get her. Jealousy hadn't worked. The 'knight in shining armour' hadn't worked either, besides, that was supposed to be a bonus to the jealousy.

Surely she should have loved him after that, then when she saw him kissing… whatever-her-name-was, she should have spilled out how much she loved him, especially since he'd 'saved' her… What could he do now? He didn't know, but he knew what he couldn't do, and that was to give up on this. He'd suddenly realised that it wasn't a mere prank anymore. Lily Evans was a challenge. A challenge which, in the end, he will win. Surely she couldn't resist for much longer?

The bell rang for the end of dinner. James's plate, which had been filled to the rim with food, vanished, along with everything on it. He was stressed out, but pigging out wouldn't help him get rid of his stress. No, but a girl would. It may even help him think of another way to get Lily.

James's mind began to wander. He barely heard his friend's comments to him and about him. He was busy searching for the brown-haired beauty that he had been with when Lily saw them. Then he spotted her, walking out of the hall. He rushed to catch her. And he did. Ten minutes later, they were in a secluded classroom…

-×-

"What is _up_ with Prongs? He's been dazed out since he came in here. Do you think he really failed to get Evans?" Sirius asked as they saw James run out of the hall, after they'd called him at least five times.

Remus grinned. "I doubt it. From the way he was chasing that brunette, I'd guess he'd already managed Evans, and is now moving on to a new target. They should be snogging each other senseless in a broom cupboard somewhere by now."

Sirius smirked as they all left the hall. "You think we should go comfort Evans?" he asked, but Remus shook his head.

"No, she's Head Girl- ("Yeah, how could we forget? You only remind us every two seconds!" Sirius joked) -would you _stop_ cutting in? It's very rude you know. (Sirius hung his head and stuck out his bottom lip in mock shame) Oh Sirius, stop that! (More grinning from Sirius) …_Anyways!!! As_ I was saying, she's Head Girl. She would know how to take care of herself. Besides, wouldn't you rather be planning on what colour you're going to turn Snape's skin next?"

At this, Sirius's eyes lighted up. "Hey! You're right!"

Peter laughed along as they walked back up to the Gryffindor common room. It was 7:00 p.m., and they had a mass of homework, but Sirius didn't care. He was too busy planning what colour Snape's hair or eyes clashes with most. Remus sometimes grinned in Sirius's direction every time he thought of something new to do to the Slytherin, but otherwise, he had his nose buried under his homework, and it was likewise with Peter.

Peter wasn't very smart, or if he was, he didn't show it. He was almost at the bottom of all of his classes. It was a wonder how he got into the top level ones in the first place, but with the rest of the Marauders, it was a different story.

They were naturally smart. It was only Remus who tried more than the others, being mainly a sensitive and caring guy, and basically the opposite from Sirius. James and Sirius were as close as brothers. They practically shared a brain, and looks, thus the reason they were usually surrounded by girls, only did their homework the morning it's due in (usually copied off Remus), and were as carefree as carefree could be.

"Remus?" Peter squeaked from his seat. Remus nodded in acknowledgement that he had heard him, but did not raise his head from his book. "Um… help?"

Remus looked up. His mouth twitched. Sirius also looked in Peter's direction, but unlike Remus, he couldn't contain his laughter. Peter was covered in slime that was slowly turning his hair florescent pink – his potion had messed up…again. The colour totally clashed with his skin. That's when Sirius yelled, "I've got it!"

* * *

I was back to doing my homework. I was sat neatly at my desk. My thoughts were away from what had happened today. Homework keeps me occupied. I looked up at my clock. It was getting to nine o'clock. Almost time to patrol the corridors. I often did this alone. James never helped, but I didn't mind. It was nice walking around in solitude. I hated being alone, but it calmed me. I was usually so serene when I was on my own. I always got nervous when I was around others. That was why I never spoke unless asked, never moved unless told to, never did anything without someone else ordering me to do so first.

I wasn't a pushover. I just hated being around people – people who I could've easily got along with, because it was my one fear: getting along with people. I couldn't get along with them. It wasn't permitted; I wouldn't permit it. I knew I should go easy on myself, but I'd already gone _too_ easy on myself.

-×-

I was walking silently along the corridors, looking around to catch anyone who was still out of bed. I was on the fifth corridor, when I heard a noise coming from a broom cupboard. Looks like there still _are_ people up… I hated disrupting snogging sessions, but it was my job. I was getting closer… and closer… then, suddenly, two figures burst out, and ran off at top speed.

"Hey!" I yelled, desperately trying to run and catch them. It was rather dark. I couldn't see them clearly, but I saw that one was male, and the other was female, and the girl had brown hair.

I was bad at running. I had never been very sporty. I was just a bookworm. I'd chased them until I could chase no longer. They had turned a corner, and I didn't want to follow any more. I knelt down, panting and out of breath. I was pretty lenient with my punishments. If I had caught those two, I'd only have taken off ten points for each of them. No detentions or anything, but if they got away, it didn't matter much anyway.

I turned to leave, when I heard a voice whisper, "You think she's gone yet, James?" My eyes widened. _James?!_

The whisper was not returned, but I heard a hand clasp onto a mouth, shushing it. I wanted to leave, I really did, but my feet were frozen to the spot. I couldn't leave. Not without knowing if that was the same James that I'd spent six years liking. I stood there, my gaze fixated on the wall that separated the two students and I. My breathing was silent, and it seemed that the two hidden figures thought I'd left, for one of them stepped out from behind that wall, curiously looking over, then, they froze.

It was James. My eyes were wider now, but not with shock, but disbelief and anger. A _Head Boy_ out after hours?! He was supposed to set an example. My eyes narrowed to slits.

"I'd have expected better from a Head Boy." I told him, my voice shaking slightly. "But then again, what should I expect from a Marauder?" I continued as his after-hour-fling also came from behind the wall. It was the same girl he was kissing earlier. My stomach bubbled with more anger, but this was a different anger. I just couldn't quite put my finger on it.

"Ten points from Gryffindor and ten points from…" I looked at the girl questioningly, waiting for her to answer her house. She looked downcast, and muttered a feeble "Gryffindor". I raised an eyebrow. "And a further ten points from Gryffindor then." I sighed, and then walked straight past them, like they didn't exist. I walked past James without looking back. He hadn't looked me in the eye for the whole of that incident. It was almost as if he was embarrassed, but he couldn't have been.

James Potter, along with Sirius Black were well known for their 'flings'. No girl lasted more than a week with them, and they'd go around broadcasting about who their latest one had been, so why did James have hints of red on his cheeks? I finished patrolling the rest of my assigned area, and then quickly walked back to my dorm only to find James in there, waiting for me.

"Look, Lily, I'm sorry about what happened, okay?" he looked sincere. I smiled at him. "Sorry, James, but an apology is not good enough to get those points back for Gryffindor. It was only twenty points anyway; surely it would be earned back easily. Don't worry, I'm not dishing out detentions, and I won't tell Dumbledore-" but I could speak no further, for something soft pressed onto my lips.

My lips were on fire, and I was in shock, but that didn't stop me from pulling back from what I knew wasn't right. My eyes were downcast and squeezed tightly shut, trying to stop the tears that were threatening to fall.

"Lily… I…" James began. I couldn't see his expression, but by the tone of his voice, he sounded sorry. I turned away; my back was now facing him.

"Please… please leave…" I said. My voice was definitely shaking, and I didn't bother to hide it. I was angry, furious even, but most of all, I was scared. That one kiss took everything I'd ever believed in, and flushed it down the drain.

"Lily, look, I'm so sor-"

"No." I said. "No, you're not. If you were, you wouldn't have done that. Please leave…_Potter_." The first tear fell down my face. I heard footsteps leave the room. I heard the bathroom door close. I knew James had left. Only then did I collapse into a heap on the floor. Only then did I let the tears I'd been holding in, out. Only then, did I realise how much the kiss really affected me.

It had been my first kiss, and I'd have more than anything _loved_ for it to be with him, but not under the same circumstances. It had been what I'd always fantasized about – being with James Potter, but when fantasy became a reality, I just didn't know how to cope with it. The one kiss… it was… amazing, yet wrong. I hated that kiss, but I loved it more.

I hated how much it was affecting me, because I knew that from now on, I'd probably never be able to control my emotions again when I was with him, and I couldn't let that happen – I mustn't. If he knew I liked him, he would never leave me be, and that was the way it had to be. I _had_ to be alone. It wasn't a matter of whether I wanted to or not, it was a _must_. I didn't want to put him through pain, through danger, through the same things that I'd been through. If I was with him, I would have to tell him my secret sooner or later, and I couldn't do that. It was against the rules – my rules, my gift's rules.

I was never a rule breaker, and I wasn't going to start now. I would have to avoid him for all I'm worth, and hopefully, he'd avoid me back, after all, I'd called him 'Potter'. That one word that had come out of my mouth was the one word I'd feared saying most, because I knew I'd have lost anything and everything between us. My heart had now completely shattered, but maybe it was better that way.

If I'd made it clear that there was nothing, and there would never be anything between us, he may leave me to wallow in self pity and disgust at myself. Yes, I was disgusted at myself for what I did; hurting him like that, but he had hurt me too. Surely we were equal now? But no, we would never be equal. He had so much more than me. It wasn't fair. Life wasn't fair, and I hated it.

This never would have happened if it wasn't for that brunette he was with, but I guess it was for the best, even if it hurt people in the process – me, more than anybody else. I didn't know exactly how much I'd hurt James. I couldn't see his face, thus, couldn't see his expression, and look deep into his eyes to see what his real emotions were, but I knew I would have hurt him, even if it was just a little, for something had always told me, right from the start, that the reason for James liking me were deeper than it seemed, but I could never put my finger on it. If only I knew the truth…

* * *

James walked into his Head Boy's dorm silently. On the surface, he looked so calm, so careless, but inside, his heart was thumping harder than it'd ever thumped before. He closed the bathroom door behind him, and looked around his room.

It wasn't dusty. The house-elves had obviously been there, but he could care less. His was dazed out, and deep in thought, but it didn't show on the outside. He slumped onto his bed. He would sleep here tonight – without distractions from the Marauders, and their bombarding questions. He would stay here tonight to be calm and sort himself out.

He breathing was short, and he was extremely out of breath, but why? He didn't get it. Why did he apologise for kissing Lily? He had never apologised in his life and meant it, yet his first real 'sorry' was never completed, for Lily wouldn't listen. In fact, his first apology was to a girl. A _girl_! Where had his pride gone? But somewhere deep down, he knew his pride was not so important right now.

He had kissed Lily Evans, the girl that had never been out with a boy before, let alone been kissed. James was her first kiss. He couldn't help but feel a guilty pit in his stomach that he had kissed her for the wrong reasons, but he had tried to apologise, hadn't he? He had given up his Potter's pride for her, and what does she do? Throw it away.

James couldn't help but feel a little angry at her, but he knew he had no right to. He had hurt her… he had tried to get to know her, to get her to like him, all for a prank. James couldn't believe he went this low. He had done it before, but it was different. They never meant anything. They had all switched boyfriends like they changed their underwear, but Lily was different. He could see it in her enticing emerald eyes.

Yes, those eyes were _the_ most amazing eyes he'd ever seen. They had actually caught his eye back in the first year, but he pushed those feelings aside. He forgot about them, thus never got to know them, but now, he had met again with those eyes, but this time, it was a mistake to. If he had just kept away, he wouldn't have been entranced by them. He wouldn't have been so hypnotised by them that he had kissed the lady that those eyes had belonged to, but unlike his other kisses, this one had been from deep within his heart.

It had been his heart crying out to him for him to kiss her. He had to kiss her. He couldn't control it any longer. He had fallen for those eyes all over again, but nobody would understand him, and that he was serious about her. They would all think that she was another one of his toys that would be new for a while, then thrown away. They wouldn't understand that he really liked those eyes. They wouldn't understand how he was really feeling, especially not her.

She would never believe him if he told her he had liked her, especially not after what he did. He knew he had blown it… big time. He knew it from the second she had called him 'Potter'. The word had cut a hole inside him in the chest area.

He had acted so smug towards her, the same way he had acted to every other girl he'd been with, but every time he saw her, his heart would speed up, and his stomach would do a back-flip. Nobody would have guessed this about him though. He hid it well. Too well, actually. So well that it almost scared him how well he could cover up his feelings. He guessed that this was how he managed to get through the years at Hogwarts, having glimpses out of the corner of his eye of Lily every now and then.

He had noticed that Lily always seemed to be staring at him, but it wasn't a mean glare. It was almost like… like she maybe… _liked_ him. He loved that thought, that the red-haired, emerald-eyed beauty had been watching him since the first year. He had almost fallen _in love_ with that thought, but he couldn't. He knew that she secluded herself. He had seen many guys ask her out, and he had almost wanted to rip their heads off, but he controlled himself. He had controlled his anger, and had almost jumped for joy every time he saw her turn them down, yet he knew that he would have the same fate if he was to do the same, so he wouldn't.

He had his pride to think about. In his past years, everything had been about pride, pranks, and pretty girls, but now, things were different. He had really liked Lily, and when she agreed that he could call her that, he felt like doing ten extra laps around the Quidditch pitch in delight, but he had just ruined that.

He ran a hand through his hair. He was so confused. He hadn't felt this way in a long while. Not since his eyes first met with her emerald-green ones back in the first year, but he knew that whatever it was, he would not be able to hide it any longer. Maybe he could try and befriend her again. He hated the thought of her disliking him… he would really hate that. He would probably hate that even more than his utter loathing of Snape, and _that_ was saying something.

He would try to win her back. Tomorrow, he would try to make friends with her again. He would make it known to everyone, especially her, that he wasn't just about pride and prejudice; he was more than that. And he would prove it to her by doing something no-one, not even him, would ever _dream_ of it happening: he would apologise to her in front of the whole school…

-×-

**A/N: **For those of you who think I put the brunette that James was kissing in there for no reason, boy are you wrong! She comes in again later! Hehe. Oh, and this is my **longest chapter yet!!! Go me!!!** Haha.

**Thank you SO much to those who still reviewed for my last chapter!!! I'm actually even more surprised that there wasn't any criticism, only nice comments! Wow! You guys rule!**

**LiviSmith Greengoldfish1 IceSugarHigh chibi-chan popppincorn Charmed luver222 Lanette papaya mango missminty Hannah Smiles27**

Thank you for reviewing! And thank you anyway if you actually took the time to read my last chapter.

Personally, I think this chapter is a _lot_ better. What do you think? A review would be very much appreciated. :)

**-3 Always,**

**-Cryst**

**AKA LivingDreams**

**tintedroses.cjb.net**


	5. Chapter Five

**Her Gift – Her Curse**

**A/N:** Oh My Goodness! I cannot **believe** how many reviews I got! I was only expecting sixty altogether (five more than my last one), or sixty-five at the most, but when I checked… boy did my jaw drop! Thank you's at the bottom!!! By the way, can any one tell me when Lily's birthday is? Or shall I just make it up by what date I believe it should be?

**-×Chapter Five×-**

****

I woke up and James was all that was on my mind. The kiss had been replayed over and over in my dreams and each time it did, I couldn't help but wonder what would have happened between us if I hadn't pulled back and asked him to leave.

I was glad I didn't have a vision last night. It would have been too much to cope with at once, and I was only a seventeen-year-old girl. I was sure I'd go insane if I continued to have those visions, but it was my fate – my destiny, which I would have to fulfil, even if it cost me my life.

From the day I realised what was to become of me, I had my whole life mapped out: I would grow up, friendless and lonely, and I would _see_. I would _see_ everything that Voldemort would be planning, or would be doing, and I would become an Auror, and the day I died, I would die in the hands of Lord Voldemort, for he would somehow find out my secret, and kill me.

There was nothing in this world for me. Nothing until the day I saw his deep brown eyes from afar, gazing at me. For the moment our eyes met, I knew it would be my first crush. Funny, isn't it, that my first crush would be my first kiss, but my first living nightmare?

Yes, it was a nightmare to me. He had opened doors inside of me that I had locked and thrown away the keys to with that one kiss. With that kiss, he had unlocked my deepest fears. With that kiss, he had unlocked my emotions of love. All my life I had been told… almost taught to keep my emotions to myself, never let any show, and to live a life of solitude, but with that one kiss, it had all vanished.

I raised a hand to my lips where James's had touched them. Those lips had been tainted with the kisses of a thousand girls, yet they were still so fresh and full of love…or was it lust? Was it just his infatuation that brought his lips down to cover mine? My eyes clouded over with sadness. Was that it? Just lust? Was that the reason he had kissed me? And was he expecting much more than just a kiss?

I hated to think that James would be one to play me like that, but with his past reputation, I didn't think I would be any different. If only I had been able to see the look in his eyes after the kiss, then maybe I could have seen some of the hidden emotion inside of him.

My heart was still shattered, but as I thought of him only playing me, it almost split into smaller pieces. A lonely tear rolled down my cheek, but I rubbed it off immediately. I can't let this happen to me – I won't. I will do my best to re-build those barriers. Whatever happens, I will try my best, because I knew that from the moment I let them down, I would be hurt. Especially if I let them down to a boy… to James.

My mother had once told me when I was younger 'No boy is worth your tears, but when you find one that is worth them, he won't let you cry'. I was only eleven, and I didn't know what she meant, but now I do. James had made me cry… does that mean he's not worth it? Or was it not him that made me cry…? Was it…me?

My thoughts were a mess as I walked up to the bathroom, and pulled open the door. I drowned my thoughts in the shower, and didn't get out until an hour later. Thank Merlin I had woken at 5 a.m., but I guessed that was due to the lack of sleep because of last night. I finished washing and brushing, and walked out of the bathroom back to my dorm with only a towel on. I closed the door behind me. I had finished dressing, when I heard a click behind me.

I spun around. I knew where that 'click' had come from – the bathroom lock! It meant that James was there… James had slept in the Head Boy's dorm last night? I hadn't even realised! I thanked Merlin once more when I realised that I had not locked the door during my shower because I had thought James went back to the Gryffindor dorms. He never slept in the Head Boy's dorms. I was now curious what was going on, but I didn't want to ask him and risk an awkward moment.

It was 6:30, and I needed to touch up on some homework before breakfast. I sat down at my desk, and pulled out my Transfiguration book. I was never good at that subject to begin with, but I once spent seven hours non-stop of learning it during my first year, thus helping me to improve greatly. Half an hour later, I was pleased with my end result. I placed all my books in my bag, and set off for breakfast.

-×-

"Prongs, where were you last night?" I heard Sirius ask. The Marauders, minus Remus, were sitting only a few seats away from me. "Who's the new girl?" he continued. The words made my stomach churn, and I began to feel rather sick. I knew he was in the Head Boy's dorm last night… but who _with_, exactly, I didn't know, and neither did I want to.

"No-one. And I was in the Head Boy's dorm. I just… felt like staying there for once in my entire existence, you know, to see what it'd be like… and it was darn comfortable too! The bed was so soft… the duvets so warm…" I heard James reply. He continued to describe the indescribable comfort the Head dorms could bring, but I tuned him out. I promised that I would seclude myself more than before, and listening in on other people's conversations was not on the top of the 'how to seclude yourself' list.

I continued with my toast, when I heard James mutter, "So… full moon tomorrow. How's he holding?"

I knew exactly what they meant, and who they were talking about, after all, you don't go observing a guy without observing his friends a little as well. The full moon would be so beautiful. I know it would. I'd always loved full moons. I hadn't known why. Sometimes, I would stare out of my window for hours upon end, just staring up at the moon and stars, lighting up the darkness outside.

I felt sorry for Remus, for he had probably never managed to admire the true beauty of a full moon. Yes, that's who they were talking about – Remus, for he was a werewolf. I knew how he would always disappear at around this time of the month, claiming to be visiting his 'sick grandmother'. I knew how he always went through a passage beneath the Whomping Willow to get to the Shrieking Shack – where he would stay whilst fully transformed.

The tree was placed there for him – because of him, so that he could attend Hogwarts School of Witchcraft and Wizardry, so that the could get the education that he had always wanted, but was always denied elsewhere because of his condition. It was to keep other students away from the tunnel, and finding out about him, for whenever anyone got near it, it would lash out, but I knew that if you hit a small switch at the bottom of the trunk, the tree would stable itself, and allow people to get close to it.

I knew how the Marauders accompanied him once a month, in illegal Animagus forms, for I'd often seen them when I was gazing outside my window. I never told anybody about this. There was nobody to tell, and I didn't think that they would appreciate it very much if I had done so.

I admired them – their friendship, their bond, their everything. It was the sole thing that I dearly wanted, but could not have. I admired how much they cared for each other – that they even changed into illegal forms (James – a stag, Sirius – a black dog, Pettigrew – a rat, who would scurry underneath the Willow's branches to flip the switch) to help their dear friend through his time of trouble each month. How I wanted friends like that, to help me through my painful visions, but I couldn't. The best thing I had to console in was Dumbledore.

"He's okay. He's in the Hospital Wing right now." Sirius confirmed. I saw them out of the corner of my eye, heads together, and whispering to each other, but I had brilliant hearing. I saw Pettigrew munching on something, totally oblivious to what his other two friends were talking about.

"Good. Whatever happens, don't tell him about this…" I heard James whisper back. I was mildly curious now, and Sirius took the words right out of my mouth: "About what?"

I saw James stand up, and clearing his throat in a business-like manner. Heads of everybody in the hall had turned his way; all had stopped what they were doing, and looked intently at what he was going to say. My head had also turned his way, and I was looking straight at him… and he was looking straight at me.

"Lily… I am truly sorry… about last night… about what I did… it was wrong, I know… and I hope that you will accept my sincerest apologies." He said, out loud, so everybody could hear. I could hear gasps as others whispering amongst themselves, but I wasn't interested in what they had to say. My breath had caught in my throat. James… had apologised to me… sincerely… in front of the whole school.

My cheeks were burning in embarrassment. All eyes had now rested upon me, and I hated the attention. I hated that James had just apologised his first, real, sincere apology… to me. I hated that after this, I would never be able to withdraw back into my cocoon of solitude again. I hated that James would have this effect on me – that his eyes would have this effect on me. His deep, brown, pleading eyes. I could hear his heart calling out to me, begging me to accept his apology, but I knew I couldn't.

My decision was final. I stood up from where I was, shot the deadliest glare I could manage at him, and stormed out of the Great Hall. I could feel the eyes of everybody, even the teachers, on my back as I flung open a door, and stepped out, slamming it shut behind me. Such a scene would bruise my reputation forever, but at that moment, I couldn't have felt more proud of myself.

I had not given into James, and his big brown eyes. Those big, brown, hypnotising eyes had had me under their spell once, and it I wasn't one to let that happen again. I knew what he wanted me for, and that wasn't to become my friend. Even if it was, I would have been more than reluctant to let him. I simply would not do that to myself, or to him. I felt myself wandering somewhere, but I didn't know where. Pretty soon, I was on a floor I did not recognise.

_Darn…_ I thought to myself. _Where am I? Oh please… I need somewhere to think… somewhere to sort myself out… please… anywhere…_I begged mentally. Before I knew it, there was a golden door in front of me, with the great Gryffindor Lion encrusted on it. It opened itself, revealing the most comfortable surroundings I could have ever wished for. I now knew where I was – and what this was. It was the Room of Requirement.

I mentally thanked the room so much for revealing itself to me at my time of need, but that was its job – to reveal itself to you when you need it most, and everything in there would be perfectly prepared for you – so that whatever you needed it for, it would be there.

I walked in, and positioned myself comfortably on a cushion, as I sat back, and buried myself in thought. I knew I would miss a few lessons, and I hoped to Merlin that I could catch them up later, but right now, my thoughts were a mess. If I ever left this room, rumours would be flying everywhere, about James and I, about the scene created this morning. I didn't want that; I couldn't have that – I couldn't cope with it.

* * *

James's cheeks burnt with anger and embarrassment. Surely Lily – wait, make that Evans, now. Surely Evans couldn't have hated him after his apology? Yet she had… and she threw his very first, honest apology away like an old, worthless piece of junk. James couldn't believe he actually thought of something as stupid as to do that, and give up his pride for her.

He sat down, furious at what had just happened.

"What – so… you hadn't gotten her to say 'I love you' yet? So… why were you with that cute brunette the other day?" Sirius asked with an expression between amusement and concern. James growled, but didn't reply, so Sirius continued, "And, if I'm not wrong, that would have been your first real apology, right?"

James's scowl deepened. "I need to think." He said, and made an exit rather like Lily's.

* * *

My eyes were closed. I had a smile on my lips as I slowly left the real world, and began to step into my own little fantasy, where I didn't have to cope with this 'gift'; where nobody had to cope with this sort of 'gift'. I had friends – a lot of them, and we would hang out together, and, even though I knew I was sounding childish, we would play together. It had been too long since I had played with anyone in any way. It had been too long since I had secluded myself, and my heart was crying out for love, and there, in my own little fantasy, love existed in my life.

I could hear footsteps. I was confused. There were footsteps in my fantasy? Then I realised: they were real footsteps. I could feel my surroundings change… into a Quidditch pitch. I knew there would be only one person who would require a personal Quidditch pitch: James Potter. I felt my comfy cushions disappear from underneath me, and I felt my behind come in contact with soft green grass. I saw broomsticks appearing out of nowhere: a selection of them, actually.

I heard the door swing open, and I swung around. There I stood, face to face with James Potter. I saw his eyes widen, and a scowl appear. I knew he was scowling at me, and I knew he had a good reason to. If I was him, I would scowl at me. Heck, I even scowl at myself in the mirror with anger. If I could be so angry with myself so easily, imagine how easy it would be for me to trigger off anger in others.

I felt my heart race as I looked into his eyes. They were flashing, but not in the good way. "What're you doing here?" he snarled. I didn't like his tone. In fact, I hated his tone, and I hated that he was using that tone on me, yet I knew I had no right to complain, because I had made him like this. I knew it was my fault for not accepting his apology, and I knew how hard it must have been for him to apologise to me in front of the whole school, to just have me reject it, but it was for his own good!

My heart continuously being shattered into smaller and smaller pieces as I thought about how he wouldn't be able to understand – he couldn't understand. Nobody could. Nobody was feeling the pain and torture I was going through. Nobody. And I hated that; I hated to think that I was the only one who was feeling this, going through all this. I couldn't understand what I did to deserve this.

"The Room of Requirement is for anyone who requires it, Potter." I replied. Then began to make my way out. I didn't want to face him again, not after I knew what he could do to me; what he could make me feel. I didn't want to lose control over myself, but as the days progressed, I felt myself slowly opening up to him, which was the one thing I couldn't allow myself to do, but I had. I couldn't help it. I now needed to rebuild that wall inside my heart, and give it time to heal, but I knew that would be impossible if this was to happen.

I was merely two inches from the door, when I heard him call to me. The broken pieces of my heart began to race as I turned, and looked into those deep brown eyes once more. I tilted my head to one side casually. Body language suggesting that he should say what he wanted to, he continued, "Lily…" he began, then stopped, as if he didn't know what to say.

My heart skipped a beat. Why was he still calling me Lily? Surely he would call me 'Evans', after what I called him? My eyes narrowed slightly in suspicion, but he found his voice and carried on talking.

"I'm… I'm sorry, okay? I really am sorry for what I did to you last night. I didn't mean to, and I'll promise I'll never do it again. Please… please forgive me?" he asked me. I felt myself doubling back in surprise. After what I did to him in the Great Hall, he was still apologising to me? I felt unshed tears begin to build up in my eyes. I was overwhelmed by James's humbleness. I had thought so much that he had a built-in gigantic ego, yet here he was, saying sorry…over and over again, and asking for my forgiveness.

From that moment on, I couldn't help myself. I did the one thing I knew I shouldn't have, yet it was the very thing my heart had been requesting for so long. I nodded, and smiled. I was smiling at James, and I wasn't regretting it. I hadn't smiled for so long, in fear that someone may interpret this smile the wrong way, and ask to befriend me, but I was smiling, and it felt good.

Maybe some day I would regret that smile, because that smile made me befriend James without a second thought, but right there and then, I couldn't have felt happier. James was my first crush… and my first friend. I had had friends before, but this was different. Those friends never lasted long. They were never real friends, but by the look in James's eyes, I could tell that this friendship would be everlasting, but deep within those brown orbs of perfection, I saw a hint of guilt.

I didn't know what this guilt was, nor did I want to know, but I knew that it was guilt. My thoughts were swept away when I felt myself being lifted from the ground. James was hugging me. I was in shock for the first few moments, but I felt myself smiling, and then hugging back with everything I had. It was a hug that I'd longed for since I could remember, and there I was, hugging the man of flawlessness on an isolated Quidditch pitch on the fifth floor.

I was cursing myself for being so selfish and putting James in suggested danger, but I couldn't let go of him. I had been waiting for this for too long. It was time for me to let myself be a little selfish. I hated putting myself through everything, but it was for other people's sake. Maybe I should have my own happiness to think about. Maybe I should be allowed to hug without fear, and that's exactly what I was doing. The remains of the wall built around my heart had vanished right before me, and it was the person before me that had made it vanish.

I would be letting someone close to me. For the first time, I would have a friend. A friend that I could confide in. I knew I couldn't tell him my secret, but having him there for me would always be a start. Maybe things may progress, or I may be rid of my crush sooner or later. Maybe… just… maybe.

My eyes were closed, and I was almost terrified that I would wake up, and it would all have been a dream, but if it was a only a dream, I would have easily got down on my knees and pleaded to Merlin to give me more dreams like those. If it was a dream, maybe it would have been better, but it wasn't, for when I opened my eyes again, I was still in his arms, holding him tightly to me.

When he finally let go, after what seemed like an age, I felt myself feeling reluctant. I saw him mirroring my expression, but the bell that rang for first lesson broke our thoughts. He held out his arm, and I took it, and we walked off to class, but not before muttering '_accio schoolbag_'.

* * *

"Lily…" James said. He had no idea what he was going to say after that, but he knew he needed to make it up to her; after all, he had a guilty conscience that needed to be cleared. If he wasn't going to tell her about the prank, he would at least apologise for kissing her. He couldn't understand why he called her 'Lily' for he was still angry at her for insulting his pride like that in the Great Hall, but some things were more important to him.

He saw her eyes narrow. He knew she was wary of what he may do next, and he couldn't let her think he would be attempting to take advantage of her again, so he just spat it out. "I'm… I'm sorry, okay? I really am sorry for what I did to you last night. I didn't mean to, and I'll promise I'll never do it again. Please… please forgive me?"

He felt his heart beat a little faster. He couldn't understand why, so he just decided it was because of his anxiousness to see her answer. He was almost afraid she'd say no again, but his worries were cleared after he saw her nod. It was a small nod, but it lighted his load a great deal. James could have just jumped for joy, but what he saw next made his heart race even more. He saw her smile.

Her one smile sent him to cloud nine. It was such a beautiful smile. He had never seen her smile before, but now that he had, he didn't want to see it fade. He was addicted. His eyes lit up, as he grinned widely. He felt himself almost giving in to the smile once again, but he knew that if he kissed her now, she'd never forgive him.

He couldn't help but feel guilty about the prank, and how he was supposed to just brush her off after she'd told him she'd loved him, but he didn't want to think about that now. He was too busy trying to memorise her smile before it disappeared, and maybe he would never see it again. He was pretty sure he was the first to ever see her true smile, and how he loved that smile.

Before he knew it, he had rushed forward, and picked her up in his arms, hugging her close. He had given in to the smile, but in a different way. His heart pounded against his chest so hard that he was sure she could probably feel it. He was so scared she might pull away once more, and return to hating him, but when he felt her arms wrap around his neck, pulling him closer, he felt like he was in heaven.

He hated that a girl could do this to him, yet he loved that it was _Lily_ who was doing this to him; making him feel giddy, making him lose it, but he didn't mind. He had gotten Lily, social snail, to come out of her cocoon, and become friends. He felt even guiltier as his mind reverted back to the prank, but he didn't want to think about that now. All he cared about was holding her, and how right it felt. It was almost _too_ right.

He heard the bell ring, and unwillingly pulled back. He saw Lily had the same look he did, and smirked. He held out his arm, and she took it. He knew that when they got to class, Sirius would ask questions, and he would have to re-mask himself against them all, and put on an act of pride to destroy all the rumours, but he was hoping to Merlin that Lily may see through this act, and know that he doesn't mean all he says.

Lily had been the first person he'd ever shown this side to. Not even the Marauders knew of it, and that was saying something, for they'd been friends since forever, but Lily… Lily was different, in a good way. Maybe they were destined to be friends, for he was her first ever friend – he was sure of it, and he knew that she was the first to ever see him like this. Maybe it was fate…

-×-

**A/N: **Okay, I had quite a few reviewers saying 'will Lily be embarrassed/mad at him for apologising in front of the school and having her in the centre of attention' and I was just pondering that… it wasn't my original plan, but hey, I think it worked out pretty well, no? Haha. The chapter was originally going to be longer, but I figured I should stop here. Next chapter should be up during the weekend, so look out for it if you're interested!

**THANK YOU ALL SO MUCH FOR REVIEWING!!! I am gob-smacked at the number I got!!! NINETY-SIX!!! I really want to write individual thank yous, but I can't, 'cause it'll up the word count a lot, so I would like to say a HUGE thank you to:**

**Piper13 lilyfan A Harry and Ginny Dreamer californiagurl popppincorn gryffspopgurl cRaZyChIcK92 lia Random Lunatic Raziel Inluv wijames potter Casey vickiicky mistyqueen WanderingStar11 IceSugarHigh Nadia118 Melissa Saia May Dursley Idiot.On.The.Edge Tigra and Loup The Fuzy Llama Playing Scrabble With Orcs auditoriumnazi Alima WildMustang Melona baybeehflip holly-evans PatchLover08 LiviSmith IdUnNoXx missminty Eman just-a-reviewer**

**And a few things that I'd like to say to some reviewers:**

**Nadia118** – A/U means alternate universe. I usually update twice a week: once during the week, and once on the weekend, but sometimes, my dad shoos me off the computer, so I can't update when I want to… and thank you for reviewing every chapter!!!

**WanderingStar11** – oh my goodness! You're review was SO hilarious!!! Haha!!! Your 'burning computer' thing was SO funny! And your last bit – oh gosh… I really couldn't stop laughing!!! (And believe me, that's not a good thing because I was checking on my reviews in a public place a.k.a., at school, and everyone was looking at me weirdly…) But yeah, thanks for the totally humorous review!

**auditoriumnazi** – sorry it was confusing! I'll try to improve, no promises though. It's a wonder what sugar can do to you…

**vickiicky **– thank you for reviewing every chapter, and thank you for reviewing my other stories too! Oh, and for the 'Meet in Dreams' one, it was written last year, when I had absolutely NO descriptive knowledge. Isn't it AMAZING what a year could do for your grammar? I mean, personally, I HATE that fic – it's so…dialogue-y. When I went back and had a look at it, I thought I wrote it when I was ten! **If anybody else checks out 'Meet in Dreams' (my CCS fic) out, bear in mind it's utter rubbish, and I mean _utter_ rubbish… and I doubt I'd be continuing it, unless I go back and completely revise it. Thanks.**

**Saia May Dursley** – who's Narce? Oh, and she's not a 'random chick'… So who is she? You'll find out!!! MUAHAHAHA!!! Okay, shutting up.

**-3 Always,**

**-Cryst**

**AKA LivingDreams**

**tintedroses.cjb.net**


	6. Chapter Six

**Her Gift – Her Curse**

**A/N:** Okay, nobody answered my question about Lily's birthday, so I'll ask once more: can any one tell me when Lily's birthday is? Or shall I just make it up by what date I believe it should be? Because it may be important somewhere in the fic. Thanks. **I also know that my chapters are becoming worse… sorry about that. Hopefully this one is better?**

**Question from auditoriumnazi: **Are they going out now or what?

**Answer:** Haha – no.

**Question from Tigra and Loup: **Why did James not want Remus to find out that he was apologizing to Lily?

**Answer:** 'Cause James isn't the kind of guy to go around apologising… especially not to a _girl_ in front of the _whole school_, and he knew that Sirius and Peter would be making fun of him anyway, and he didn't want Remus to be making fun of him too… does that make sense?

**I just thought those questions should be answered… any more questions about the story welcome, as long as they're not 'what happens next?'.**

**-×Chapter Six×-**

Before I knew it, the day had already almost ended. James and I spent a lot of time together, laughing, chatting, things like that. I hated to admit it, but I had fun, and I didn't want to stop having fun, but if I didn't soon, I knew that I would regret the day I ever became friends with him, because friendship may lead to more, and anything that is more – or even just friends – with me, will lead to death in the end. I knew it would.

Many heads turned our way, as we walked into class together, smiling at each other. I knew they were all gawping at me, after my little 'scene' in the Great Hall, and how suddenly, the most secluded, quiet, shy girl in school had now become friends with the most popular, loudest, outgoing guy in school. I brushed each and every question away, and each and every stare. Nobody needed to know about my personal life, and neither would I tell them.

James and I sat next to each other in almost every class. I had heard him joking about me with the Marauders (with the exception of Remus, who was still in the Hospital Wing), but I didn't mind. I knew James would always be like that, and he wouldn't change, and neither did I want him to change, for I liked him the way he was.

I found conversing with him exceptionally easy. I had thought there would be awkward silences between us all the time, but there weren't. Then again, awkward silences generally don't occur when you were around James. I had been acquainted to his friends also, against my own will, but I knew it'd be rude for me to reject.

Many jealous glares were thrown my way, but I also took no notice. I had never taken any notice of anything in my life apart from my studies and James. They made up my life. They _were_ my life. I had nothing else before now. But now that I had a friend, I didn't want to lose him, however, not losing him were not one of my options, for I knew my feelings for him would grow if this continued, but I couldn't let that happen.

For a while, I had almost forgotten about my 'gift', and actually thoroughly enjoyed myself, and being alive, but reality always slaps you in the face in the end, if not reminding you about one thing, then it's letting you know another that you would rather not.

It was dinner time, and for the second meal during that day, I had positioned myself opposite James, and next to Sirius. No longer was I sitting by myself at the table with none to talk to, for now, I had the Marauders as friends. And I loved it, and hated myself. I hated myself for loving it so much, for _getting_ friends in the first place, but my heart had been healed of deep wounds I never knew there were – wounds of non-existent friendship.

We had been watching the Slytherin table eagerly – anticipating yet another prank from the infamous Marauders that I was sat with. I found myself laughing at Sirius's new brilliant idea – the decolourisation of Severus Snape. I knew what they did was mean, and wrong, but I couldn't help myself. I had never had so much fun in my life. I never felt so wanted, so accepted. This was too special to me, and I didn't want to lose it.

We watched as certain members of Slytherins suddenly rose up, positioned themselves on top of the tables, and began performing a limbo dance (**A/N: **man, our English work has actually gotten to me!) to a raunchy song which I decided to zone out. Roaring laughter could be heard, and as I looked to the teachers table, terrified of what their reactions may be, I was awfully surprised when I saw many of the teachers' lips twitching uncontrollably. They must be used to things like this.

I stood up, ready to put a stop to this, being head girl did have responsibilities after all, when a hand tugged me away. I looked deep into the amber eyes of the brunette I had seen James with the night before. I decided to neglect the little clench my heart gave as I thought of the memory. I could see anger in her eyes as she hissed in my ear, "James is _mine_. Retreat back to your little shell before I tell you something I may regret later.", and stalked off.

I repositioned myself in my seat in confusion. The prank had ended, and the laughter was coming to an end. The words '_Complimentary of the Marauders_' were hovering proudly above the Slytherin table as many faces there began turning beet red, be it with embarrassment, or with pure hatred.

I didn't understand what she meant… tell me what? But how wrong she was to automatically assume that I wanted to have friends, and to come out of my shell in the first place. I had never wanted friends. James just came… and I couldn't say no, no matter how hard my brain was screaming at me to, and with James, came the rest of his group. I had never wanted this, but maybe it was a part of destiny. Maybe fate was being kind to me, allowing me to have friends, but I had a sinking suspicion that that wasn't the case.

I barely noticed the number of hands waving in my face, trying to see if there was 'anyone in there'. I snapped out of my trail of thought, and muttered a weak "Huh?" I looked at the smirking faces around me, and raised an eyebrow.

"Daydreaming about me again, my Flower? That can't be healthy." Sirius joked. I gave him a lop-sided grin. We had been on the use of first names now, but Sirius still chose to call me 'Flower'. He could be such an immature brat at times, but a funny immature brat. "Anyway, what did you think of our prank?" he asked, this time, seriously.

My grin disappeared, and I said, with a face more solemn than Sirius's, "That was completely cruel, and unnecessary. I cannot believe you would still be so mature – and at the age of almost eighteen!" I scolded, but I could no longer hold in my amusement when I saw all their jaws drop in protest. My lips twitched so hard, I couldn't help but cover my grin with my hand, but they had seen it by then.

-×-

I left the day totally happy. I felt as if nothing in the world could go wrong, and I had forgotten about the brunettes words as I thanked Merlin, and fell into dreamless sleep… until…

_"NO! Please! No!!!" a voice begged. It pleaded mercy just like his other targets had, but tonight's targets were muggles, who barely knew of the Dark Lord. Innocent muggles would be killed, not knowing how they died, or the true identity of their murderer._

_A smirk could be made out on the disfigured face under a dark hood. A wand was raised, letting the muggles know that magic was to be involved. They weren't ordinary muggles. One of their daughters was a witch._

_Their eyes were more than terrified than before, when they had first predicted that a break-in to the house was not a good sign. Tears were flowing freely down the couple's cheeks._

_The same voice of the man pleaded again, "Please… don't harm her… take me instead."_

_His wife, who had been trembling with fear underneath his protective arm, suddenly lashed out. She could not let this happen to her husband, whom she loved more than life itself._

_"Foolish muggles." The hooded man hissed with a snake-like tone. A flash had emitted from his wand, and the muggles were no more. Silence had befallen the area surrounding it yet again. Nobody would know of this incident, for a silence charm had been cast before the murder. Nobody would suspect a thing._

_Murderous laughter could be heard. It had been a job well done. A swish of a cloak, and then, nothingness…_

My eyes jerked open. Normally I would have attempted to stop my dream, and wake up earlier to report, but I couldn't drag myself away from it. I felt tears pouring down my face as my feet took me to where I always visited in the middle of the night – Dumbledore's office.

I felt myself crying uncontrollably. So uncontrollably that I could not even muster up the energy to say the password. Cold sweat covered my body, and I was shivering so hard I felt I would burst. "L-l-l-," I began. Tears were choking me as I forced out the words 'lemon drops'. Steps were revealed to me as I clambered onto them, almost falling over in the process.

My hand reached out to grab the door handle leading to Dumbledore's office. I looked down at it, and found it shaking violently. My fingers wrapped around the handle, and I felt myself too weak to push it down and open it. My hand withdrew as the door opened itself, and for that, I was thankful.

I stepped inside the warm room, and my shivers ceased slightly, but my tears continued. I cried. I cried like there was no tomorrow. I cried so hard I could have died right there and then out of dehydration, but I didn't. I managed to stand strong, but I felt weak beyond belief. Professor Dumbledore was looking at me intently behind his half moon glasses, as he nodded for me to tell my story.

"M-my… pa-parents…" I managed to stutter. I saw Dumbledore's eyes widen, as he looked at me sympathetically. That was all he needed to hear. I found myself in my dorm moments later after being escorted back by a House Elf. I couldn't smile at it to say thank you. I was in no mood to smile.

My bed looked so inviting, and I couldn't help myself any longer. I flung myself onto it, and cried my heart out. I had never cried so badly in my life, but there was no-one there to help me, which I was glad of. I couldn't cope with another person sharing my pain. It would almost be like telling them about my gift, which I could not do, no matter how badly I wanted it.

-×-

I woke up with red puffy eyes. I looked into my mirror, and I saw my emerald eyes were no longer emerald. They were a dark forest green, reflecting my dark mood. I would get revenge on Voldemort if it was the last thing I did. He had just killed two of the most important people in my entire life, and he would pay. He would pay for killing my parents, and putting me through pain. He would pay, and I would make him pay.

I'd never felt so upset or angry in my entire life, and one man – no, he wasn't a man. He was a creature. An evil creature. An evil creature that succeeded in destroying my life. I had endured my 'gift' for so long, and it had put me through so much pressure, but I endured it all. All because of him. The gift made sure that I lived a lonely life, and I did. The gift cursed my heart to oblivion, but I had to live with it. All until yesterday, when I had my first four friends. I had never felt so happy in my life, and my heart had returned to me, but the gift forced me to see my parents die. It forced my heart to re-shatter into millions of pieces.

I had been allowed a day off in my studies to mourn, and for that, I was extremely grateful. I did not want to mourn, but it was all I could do, for there was nothing else for me. James and the Marauders probably would have forgotten me by now, but that suited me fine. I just wanted to recoil back into my shell. What had I done to deserve this?

It was lunchtime, and I realised I probably spent the whole night crying, and only slept at 5 am, but I couldn't care about that right now. I couldn't care about anything right now. I felt new tears spill down my face. I began to feel dehydrated, but I didn't care.

I heard a knock at my door, and quickly wiped away the tears, but that did not stop my eyes from looking all swollen, and my cheeks all pink, and my hair all dishevelled. I opened it, and saw James, Sirius, and Pettigrew standing before me. I couldn't stop my eyes from widening in disbelief as they said, "You weren't in class… we were worried."

I managed a small smile in gratitude as I opened the door wider to allow them to step in. It was then that I realised I was still in my pyjamas, and Sirius was the one who helped me realise ("Woah, Flower, looking hot!") and I shot him a disapproving glare, but didn't bother to change.

It was James who decided to ask the mature – yet upsetting question. "Are you alright? Your eyes…"

I could not help more tears entering my eyes as I thought about my dream, but I could not let them know about my parents dying before they even found the bodies. It was then that an owl decided to peck on my window, just before I decided to lie and say I had overslept. I opened the window slightly to allow the owl entrance to my dorm. It wasn't my owl, so as soon as I took off the letter, it flew away again and out of sight.

I read the letter, and even though it was no surprise to me, I couldn't stop myself from crying again. I had forgotten that three of the Marauders were still in my room, until James rushed up to me after seeing my tears. I handed him the letter, and his eyes showed understanding as he wrapped me up in a hug. It was all I needed right now, but I didn't want it. I felt myself growing closer to him with each passing moment, and I didn't want that to happen.

Sirius and Pettigrew were just as curious, and Sirius snatched the letter away from James, and began to read aloud:

'_Dear Miss Evans,_

_We are sorry to inform you that your parents had been found dead this morning at your house in __Manchester_(**A/N:** Sorry, first place that came into my head.) _and we hope that you will not be too grieved by this information._

_Your sister also knows of this, and has already arrived here and begun to plan a funeral. _

_We are truly sorry for this tragedy,_

_Yours Sincerely,_

_Mr. C. Fudge,_

_Head Secretary for the Minister for Magic._ (**A/N: **I have NO idea of his position, so just bear with me. My original name was 'Mr. Bumblebee, The Minister for Magic, so just be glad I didn't put that, okay?)'

Sirius raised his head and also gave me a look of sympathy, much like the one Dumbledore gave me, but a younger version of it. I was basically collapsing in silent tears in James's arms.

-×-

It was now dinner time, and I had had a good day's worth of crying. James had often come up to comfort me, and words could not express my gratitude towards him for that. I walked up slowly towards the Gryffindor table, as I was pulled away once again, by the same brunette.

I couldn't help but feel irritated at her, but her words made me stop dead in my tracks.

"You think you're all that, Evans," She hissed at me. "Having James crawling to your dorm between classes, just to comfort you over the death of your God-forsaken parents, but you want to know something? It's just a prank. All a prank. James only wants you to say how much you love him, then, you turn into yet another girl in his garbage disposal bin, you see, he told me himself. Bugger off, Evans. You're not worth his time."

I could feel tears sting at my eyes once more as she stormed off, but I refused to believe her. I didn't _want_ to believe her. James had been so nice to me… but was it true? I was just another one of his… I didn't want to think about it, but now that I did, he had _suddenly_ noticed me… then kissed me… was this all a part of a…prank?

I wandered around aimlessly in my own thoughts. I had no appetite left, and I let another tear fall, but the words I heard next truly sickened me. "So, Prongs, how's the prank going?" I stopped dead in my tracks. Reality had slapped me once more. I ran.

Tears re-cascaded down my cheeks, but this time, for a different reason. I knew that it was Sirius, talking to James, because for one, I recognised his voice, and two, only the Marauders called each other those nicknames, and I knew that James was Prongs. But what I _didn't_ know was his reply, but if I had stayed any longer, I would have heard him say, "The pranks off, okay? I don't want to do this any more…"

But I hadn't stayed any longer.

I felt myself slam my dorm door shut, and I buried my face in the comfort of my not-so-warm-and-dry-any-more pillow. I couldn't believe it. What she said was true. James really didn't want to be my friend… it was all… a lie. A lie to get me to love him, and then be ditched by him. How could I have been so stupid? I had trusted him…

I couldn't hate myself more, but I couldn't just let him know this got to me. I would re-build that wall I had been planning on building. Nothing would change my decision now. I must be strong, but the letter that was brought to me by the next owl made all my strength vanish.

_'YOU EVIL COW! HOW COULD YOU KILL OUR PARENTS?! YEAH – IT WASN'T DIRECTLY, BUT IF IT WASN'T FOR YOUR STUPID WITCHCRAFT AND __WITCHERY__SCHOOL__ NONE OF THIS CRAP WOULD HAVE HAPPENED! **YOU** MURDERED THEM, EVANS! YOU DON'T DESERVE TO BE AT THEIR FUNERAL. I PROMISE YOU THIS: IF YOU COME, I WILL **KILL YOU**.'_

I felt my eyes blur once again. I had murdered my parents… it was my fault they died… how could I have done this? I don't deserve to live… This was the last straw.

-×-

It was almost midnight. I knew I was out after hours, but I didn't care. I wouldn't get in trouble after this anyway, because after this, there wouldn't even _be_ a me to get _into _trouble.

I wandered off towards the lake, and positioned myself on the ledge. It was such a serene lake. Maybe I would be like that after I died. Maybe I would finally be happy. I smiled to myself as I thought of my death, which would happen in mere moments from now.

I had brushed my hair, and for once in my life, put on a little make up. I wanted to look good when I died, and I wanted to die with a smile on my face, to show the world I was leaving behind no regrets, for what regrets were there to be left? My gift was my curse, my parents were dead because of me, and the only friends I'd ever had at Hogwarts were only my friends to fulfil a prank. What was there left for me in this world apart from grief?

Sometimes I wished that things would have been the way they were. Me, a loner, gazing at the Marauders from afar, with my parents sending loving letters to me. How I wished for that life to come back, but it was too late for that now. That life had gone. I sighed. This was the only way for me now.

I looked up. The full moon had never looked so beautiful. I looked down. The calm waters had never been so inviting. My smile grew as I closed my eyes, bidding the world farewell, and I fell…

-×-

**A/N:** Okay, that TOTALLY didn't turn out the way I wanted it to and I am SO sorry for updating a day after my said date, but at least I didn't update a week late, right?… Anyways, so, did I give you a big enough clue to what was going to happen? Have a guess. Haha. Cookies to all who get it right!

**Thank you to ALL my reviewers! You mean the world to me!!! I have over 100 reviews!!! Do you KNOW how happy that makes me?! THANK YOU!!!**

**IceSugarHigh         The Fuzy Llama         mistyqueen         Saia May Dursley         Anna Ierse         wizemunkee006         mirkwoodmage         Tigra and Loup         holly-evans         Heart of the ****Phoenix****         Nadia118         Storywritter10791         Ani         Sarah Tajuddin         Lacy         auditoriumnazi         vickiicky         Mooncheese         Lanette**

Thank you all for reading my fic! And thank you even more if you reviewed!!! Oh, on a last note, please don't kill me?

**-3 Always,**

**-Cryst**

**AKA LivingDreams**

**tintedroses.cjb.net**


	7. Chapter Seven

**Her Gift – Her Curse**

**A/N:** So… tired… okay guys, I'm writing this when I'm tired out. If it turns out rather weird, you know the reason.****

**Question from sniff: **Did Petunia send the letter?

**Answer:** Yes… sorry if I didn't make it clearer.

**Question from Anna Ierse: **It's a full moon, so what about Remus and the others? Is she going to find out about them?? And is the prank really off; does James really like Lily now?

**Answer:** Wow! A load of questions! Haha. Anyways, she already knows about Remus and the others… I mentioned it in chapter five, right before James apologised. As for the prank thing, yes it **is** off, but Lily doesn't know that, and neither does Remus or Peter. (Man… talk about an over sized hint!) And does James really like Lily now? One guess.

**Question from PatchLover08: **Does Remus try to bite her?? Does she find out their Secret??

**Answer:** Well… he might, he might not. You'll see. And, again, she already _knows_ their secret… in fact, I'm **sure** I put it in chapter five before James apologises. -Checks- yep, I did.

**Question from Acura Kasalin: **What does A/U stand for?

**Answer: **I've already answered this question before. Anyway, it means 'Alternate Universe'. =]

**Question from Smiles27:** how did you come up with her seeing her own parent's death?

**Answer:** It was part of my original plot anyways. I've written the whole plot down, now I'm just writing the actual fic. Haha.

**-×Chapter Seven×-**

"So, Prongs, how's the prank going?" Sirius asked, eyes twinkling in merriment. He knew what the answer was going to be. He knew that James liked Lily, and had done for a very long time but had been denying it. This was the perfect opportunity to make him realise.

He saw James's eyes harden, and whisper in a deadly silent voice, "The pranks off, okay? I don't want to do this any more…" He wore a sad, almost lost expression, like he almost wasn't sure what he was doing. He was confused. He had never noticed how beautiful Lily was, how deep her eyes were, and how fake the outside was, but inside, it showed every single emotion she contained.

He had spent a long time watching her, observing her, admiring her. She was different from any other girl he'd ever met. She was so secluded, and guarded, but even though every shield had a weakness, he could not find hers. He had almost thought she didn't have one, but when he observed her more carefully, and looked deeper into her heart, he saw her pain.

He hadn't known what had caused her this pain, but he knew he must put an end to it. The best way to do that was to actually be her friend, and not just pretend to for a joke.

"Aw, but Prongs, you had really outdone yourself today! I mean, acting like a pure gentleman. I'm sure she likes you now, you know. Just think – one little step further and-" Sirius was encircling James, looking at him slyly, as if he expected the reaction he received next: a growl from James, and him storming off.

Sirius looked triumphant, as he turned the corner and followed James back to the Gryffindor common room.

-×-

It was five minutes until midnight. Sirius had not mentioned another word about the prank again, but deep inside him, James couldn't get the subject off his mind. He needed to somehow tell Lily about this prank, and about how he'd cancelled it. If he didn't tell her, and she found out some other way, he would never forgive himself. The guilt would be too overwhelming, and she would probably never forgive him, and he couldn't have that.

But why not? What was wrong with that? None of his past girlfriends have yet forgiven him for what he'd done to them, but he wouldn't care if they fell in the lake and drowned, (**A/N:** Haha.) so why did he feel this way now? Why would he actually care that he couldn't have Lily as a friend any more?

He hated himself for this, but he couldn't help it. He knew that he liked her. He couldn't understand why. She wasn't the most attractive girl at Hogwarts, and she was even at the bottom of the social ladder, but he knew that he liked her. He didn't want to lose her friendship, and he would do anything to keep it.

He had been glancing over to Sirius and Peter, who was playing Exploding Snap on the bed. Sirius was winning badly. James couldn't help but smile at his friends' playfulness. Soon they would need to take on their Animagi forms, and accompany Remus on his monthly… issues, but they didn't mind. They stuck together, no matter what.

He gazed out of the window. A speck of red could be seen making its way along the grounds to the lake, but decided it was probably only a leaf. He felt a cloak covering him, and Sirius and Peter appear by his side, grinning. He grinned back, and the trio made their way down to the grounds.

-×-

Outside, Peter was first to transform into a rat, which quickly scurried away. James and Sirius shared a smirk: another night of rule-breaking and risking their lives. James snuck a glance towards the lake, to see if anything was really there. His heart skipped a beat as he heard a splash, and saw long, shiny, red hair disappear under the waters. There was only one girl with hair like that: Lily Evans.

Sirius seemed to have noticed it too, and knew instantly what James was thinking. He motioned towards the lake, silently telling James to save her. James shot a questioning look at him, and nodded towards the Whomping Willow, but Sirius merely smirked, dragged the cloak off James, and gave him a push in the right direction.

James didn't need telling twice. He ran as fast as his legs could carry him, and didn't think twice before diving into the freezing cold waters of the lake.

His heart was racing, adrenalin was pumping, and his eyes were stinging. He searched frantically around, hoping to spot those familiar locks of auburn in amongst the weeds, but they were too deep, and he would need to dive further, but he could feel himself running out of air.

He rose to the surface, took the biggest intake of air he could muster, and dived once more into the murky waters. He swam deeper, and deeper, until he finally saw her, resting peacefully, eyes closed, on the sandy bottom of the lake.

He sighed with relief, and it was only after he had done so that he realised how stupid he was – losing so much of his precious oxygen at once. He dived further and grabbed her wrist.

He kicked off hard from the bottom, dragging her with him. He could feel his lungs beginning to burn within his chest, but he ignored it. He would be on the surface soon. His legs kicked harder, using much of the oxygen in his body, but he kept telling himself he would be safe soon. He looked up, and could feel hints of moonlight shining on his face. He was nearing the surface: only a few centimetres left.

His head broke the surface of the water. He took a deep intake of well deserved oxygen, relaxing for a minute before dragging the limp body he was still clutching up with him. He frantically searched for a pulse, and relaxed as he felt one; faint, but still there. He smiled at the angelic face in front of him, and began to swim towards the banks.

When he was finally there, he hoisted Lily's body up first, before beginning to drag himself up, but suddenly, he felt tentacles wrap around his ankle. He turned, fearing the worst. _No! The Giant Squid…_

Before he knew what had happened, his whole body was in the freezing depth of the waters once more. He felt his legs go numb. Had he really been down there long enough to have his blood circulation cut off from his legs?

It was useless trying to kick away. It would not work anyways, so he used his arms, and punched blindly around his ankles, which was where the Squid had the grip on him. He could not see properly any longer. The waters were suddenly darker than before.

His fist made contact with something soft. He felt the tentacle pull away from his ankle, away from his fist. This was his chance.

His lungs were burning with the lack of oxygen, for he had never managed to get a proper intake of it before being dragged down, but he swam up with all his might, using only his arms.

He felt the Giant Squid move beside him, but he would not give up. His face broke the surface of the water once again, and thanked Merlin he was still near the edge of the lake. He felt another tentacle wrap itself around his wrist this time, and on reflex, he brought his other fist in contact with it.

He saw it coil away, and hoisted himself up on the banks of the lake as quickly as he could, and collapsed on the ground, panting and trying to breathe in as much air as possible.

He felt his legs starting to work a little again, and dragged himself to Lily's side. He picked her up, and made his way to the Hospital Wing. He was so tired, yet he could not let Lily die. It had been utterly freezing at the deepest depth of the lake, and Lily had been there for what felt to him as an eternity.

He felt her body was freezing, but wondered if that was just him being freezing…

* * *

I woke up on something soft. Was I in heaven? I felt warm covers around me, and pulled them closer. Was this what heaven felt like? I opened my eyes fully. Everywhere was white. This must be heaven. I closed my eyes in content. This was much better than on earth.

I sat up, yet found an aching pain in my back. That's weird. Shouldn't heaven be pain-free?

The whiteness around me suddenly slid away, revealing the face of a very flustered lady, with many other beds behind her in the background. Wait a minute… I recognised that lady… Madam Pomfrey? Surely not… but that would mean…

"Oh, my dear! You're awake! Thank heavens!" she almost screeched as she rushed towards me. My eyes suddenly widened as I realised it: this _wasn't_ heaven, it was the _hospital wing_ and I was _still alive_. But… how? I didn't have any more time to think, as I felt a warm, sickeningly sweet yet bitter substance find its way down my throat. I felt as if I was going to be sick.

Madam Pomfrey turned and left, and I found myself looking at a man with a long white beard and half moon glasses.

"Professor Dumbledore!" I exclaimed, leaning forwards to get off the bed, but the Professor quickly came to my side, and gently pushed me back, giving me a sad smile.

"Do not get up, Miss. Evans. Now, tell me… why did you do this?" He asked me. How was I supposed to answer this? _I caused my parent's death, have my sister hate me more because of it, have the guy I've liked for six and more years finally notice me back, and find out it was just a heartless joke, and continue to deal with seeing innocent deaths…? I've had enough of this…_

I opened my mouth to speak, yet Professor Dumbledore raised his hand as a signal to stop me from talking. I gave a slightly puzzled look as he chuckled in a light-hearted, saddened sort of way.

"I'm sorry about that, Miss. Evans, but I'm sure your parents wouldn't have wanted you to die after their death. As for your sister, I highly doubt you should be concerned about her views. You know perfectly well what she said was rubbish – and you did _not_ cause your parent's death. Voldemort is merciless, and it wasn't your fault. As for the guy you liked… is he James Potter by any chance?"

My jaw dropped involuntarily. How did he know about Petunia blaming me for their death? Did he read her letter to me? But then I remembered: Dumbledore was brilliant at this sort of thing – occlumency and such. My eyes were downcast as I nodded slightly: yes.

"I do not believe that Mr. Potter's only noticing you for a heartless joke, for it was he who risked his life to save you last night. Pomfrey informed me about that, and how he came in shivering with cold after being attacked by the Giant Squid. He left earlier. However, being the kind of Seer is a gift. You may not be happy with it, but you must live with it. Please do not try to harm yourself again."

My jaw had dropped once more. _James? James risked his life to save me last night? He… but… it couldn't have been… _My head was spinning. Why would James save me? Was it just another way to accomplish his prank? My eyes hardened. That would have been it. I didn't care. I wasn't going to fall for it.

"Professor, I hate this. I hate being a Seer… it is destroying me! Don't you see? That's what made me do it last night… that's why I… I just… I can't live with seeing all those innocent people dying night after night – half of whom are muggles like me… I forced myself to be lonely because of it! I couldn't have any friends because of it! I couldn't put them in danger because of it! I've kept it a secret for so long… I just can't take it any more! Along with everything else that happened… Petunia's letter was the last straw… I'm sorry, Professor."

I bowed my head in shame, but I saw an overwhelming flash of sorrow in his eyes when I mentioned the half who were 'muggles like me', but that disappeared as soon as it came. I wondered why he could be that sad… maybe he felt sorry for those muggles also… or maybe he was just worried I would be Voldemort's next victim because of my blood heritage, and he would no longer be able to use me to spy on Voldemort. I became rather angry at this thought.

"I assure you, Miss. Evans, that I am not simply using you for your gift. I am sorry that you think that, but you must _not do something like this again_. There is more to your gift than just seeing his murders, Miss. Evans, as you will see in due course, but for now, promise me you will not do anything stupid again."

His eyes looked deadly calm, but his voice and features were deadly serious. I nodded. A small smile appeared on Professor Dumbledore's face, but the sadness re-appeared in his eyes as he gazed at me. I'd already promised him I would not self harm again… why was he still looking at me like that?

I watched him stand up and leave, then gave an audible sigh. A silent tear rolled down my cheek. Unbeknownst to me, someone had heard the whole conversation. A certain ebony haired, deep brown eyed someone.

* * *

__

James strolled around on the castle grounds. He couldn't help feeling guilty… Lily knew about the prank… his heart tugged at this thought. It was partly his fault…

He knew he shouldn't have overheard, but he had originally been there to visit her… but when he heard her and Professor Dumbledore speaking, he couldn't help but stay and listen in.

He let out a frustrated sigh. If he had ever got his hands on Lily's sister, she'd wish she had never been born. How would it have been Lily's fault? How _could_ it have been? Lily was the most angelic, kind, gentle person he'd ever met. She wouldn't harm her own parents!

But… she was a Seer? No wonder she had been a loner all this time. James' heart gave an uncomfortable squeeze again. All this time… all those taunting comments about her being a loser… she hadn't deserved any of them. She had kept her distance from them to save them.

Lily didn't deserve to go through all that pain on her own. How she managed to go through all this for this long was beside him. He ran a hand through his hair. He couldn't let her face this alone. He wanted to help her. He wanted stay with her, and help her through her troubles. But he couldn't. If he did, he'd have betrayed her trust once again. He couldn't let her know he knew her deepest secret.

He needed to tell her himself about the prank… and hope for forgiveness. Surely saving her life would be a plus? Maybe she'd finally open up to him, and tell him this secret herself. He'd had so much fun with her on the day they were friends. He didn't want to loose that friendship. He couldn't lose that friendship. He knew he'd already gone too far with this friendship. It was no longer a prank any more. This was real.

He needed to find her, and apologise… again.

-×-

"Albus… she needs to know. He'll be after her, but she can't die without knowing the truth. She already… almost…" The voice of Minerva Mcgonagall faded, as she set her eyes downcast.

"She does, Minerva, but if Voldemort found out about this, he'd come for her for sure. This is the second biggest secret that Hogwarts is holding in his eyes, and he would do anything to find out. You and I both know what will happen if he does find out… Minerva, now is not the time. She has already promised me not to try another suicide attempt. She'll be fine for now." Albus replied with sadness washing over him, and clouding his eyes once more.

Minerva sighed, and nodded slowly. She stood up and stepped out of the door, collapsing at the foot of it in silent tears. Inside the office, droplets of salty tears were flowing out of a middle-aged man's eyes, and forming a mini puddle on his desk. _I'm sorry, Minerva, Lily… I'm sorry…_

-×-

**A/N:** I'm sorry for the wait! My friend had me hooked on a Chinese Series called Tian Long Ba Bu. It's amazing, and so sad. I'm listening to a couple of songs from there that I downloaded. I'm surprised I'm not collapsing in tears right at this moment. Anyways… MUAHAHA! Why are Dumbledore and Mcgonagall crying? Haha. You'll find out.

**Oh my goodness! ONE HUNDERED AND FIFTY THREE REVIEWS!!! THANK YOU SO MUCH!!! Okay, here's what I'll do… if (and yes, I'm dreaming here) I get over two hundred reviews, I will make the next chapter EXTRA, EXTRA long for you all (so go get all your friends to review too)! I love you all so much! I'm too tired to write all your names down on here, but you know who you are!**

**Cookies to: mirkwoodmage, Heart of the ****Phoenix****, holly-evans (I take it you knew, even though you didn't specify :P), IceSugarHigh, larthawyn, PatchLover08, sproxkkk (same goes for you as for Heart of the ****Phoenix****), Saia May Dursley, Mooncheese, Lanette (same for you too), mistyqueen, lacy, Nadia118**

**_I must avenge IceSugarHigh's Kitties!!! -Avenges Kitties-: _**

**_The really fat orange cat.  
The black cat with bright creepy yellow eyes.  
The cat dyed to look like a stinky little skunk.  
The grey cat with one ear that gives you the mad-eye.  
The tan cat with three legs that likes to chew on your hair while you sleep._**

-Poke- you still sane? :P

Man… I love all your reviews! (Hint, Hint)

**-3 Always,**

**-Cryst**

**AKA LivingDreams**

**tintedroses.cjb.net**


	8. Chapter Eight

**Her Gift – Her Curse**

**A/N:** Okay, unfortunately, I did not get over 200 reviews, so, this will **not** be an extra long chapter – sorry! (Only eleven reviews off though!) But the weird thing is, I had 188 reviews, then the next day, I had 187, then a while later, I had a new review and it got up to 188 on my stats thing, but it says 189 on the other thing… and I am SO NOT making sense am I? I'm sorry. I also apologise for the lateness of this chapter

**Okay, new rule for my updated chapters: the number of words I write depends on the number of reviews I have then times by 100, so for chapter 7, I had 31 reviews, so for this chapter I will write 3,100 words – excluding the A/N's (I wrote the actual chapter on a different document, then pasted it into this one, so the actual chapter is 3,100 words), so don't worry. Does that make sense?**

**Question from larthawyn: **Why didn't the Giant Squid get Lily?

**Answer:** James put her on the bank and was about to climb out when the Giant Squid pulled him back into the lake.

**Question from Nightcrawler: **The part when Sirius and James are walking on the grounds and both know Lily's in trouble...wouldn't Sirius want to help her as well?

**Answer:** No – It was a full moon; Remus would have turned into a werewolf, Sirius needed to help Remus. James blew off Remus to save Lily.

**Question from Cherry: **And why doesn't James reveal his "other side" to his friends like he did to Lily? Isn't the Room of Requirement on the third floor?

**Answer:** He wasn't actually planning on revealing it to Lily – it just happened! But I guess he didn't reveal it to his other friends because it made him seem…weak. About the RoR, I really have no clue… Haha.

**Question from Tigra and Loup: **Is Dumbledore the middle-aged man in the last bit, because I thought he was old?

**Answer: **Yes – he is… Well, he is kind of old in the beginning of the Harry Potter series, but if he was old there, I just thought he'd be a little younger in James and Lily's time. I mean, it would have been about 15-17 years after them that he met Harry, right? James and Lily wouldn't have gotten married STRAIGHT after Hogwarts, and what with all the OotP stuff and Auror training, they wouldn't have been able to have Harry straight away…

**-×Chapter Eight×-**

I lay in my bed, thinking of the past few days. To be honest, it had mainly been a blur. Professor Dumbledore had visited me again, and a girl from my class who I vaguely recognised as Alexia Drake – known mainly as Alex – had come to pass me the work from the lessons I'd missed. It was also the girl who I had seen kissing James – I'm surprised I hadn't realised it was her sooner, but I guessed it was because her face was usually…hidden.

I had acted like I didn't care about it, but she glared at me as if I was stealing him away from her or something, and then she dumped my books on my bed and stormed out. It had been like that for a while. Madam Pomfrey had insisted that I stayed put for another week. I swear I'd have either died of boredom, or fainted from the lack of education I'd been receiving, or at least received a broken leg from all the hard books being dumped on me with force.

I know it made me sound prudish, but education was a main part of my life, and if I didn't study hard my future as an Auror would be wasted – who cares if my gift would be an important help, if I didn't get the top marks required, I wouldn't be allowed to be an Auror anyway. Besides, reading and learning was what I'd spent most of my days at Hogwarts doing. I had no friends, so to speak of, for I wasn't allowed them, so books were my friends and my company.

I shut my eyes tightly. A tear fell out of the corner of my eye, and rolled to my ear. I felt pain overtake me. my body began to tremble. Cold sweat was emitting from every pore of my body…

_"I'm on to you… I know **where** you are. I know **what **you are. I know who you **really** are. You're not a Mudblood like the rest of those who are a disgrace to the wizarding world; unlike those who deserve to die. Join me, and you will be great. Join me, and I will give you power beyond imagination. Join me, Lily… Lily…"_

"Lily! Lily!" I heard a different voice yell. It was deep, but warm, unlike the terrifying cold one that I had heard before. My eyes snapped open as I panted like a fish out of water. My surroundings slowly came into focus: a pair of deep brown eyes were looking down at me.

"James?" I asked. My thoughts were a blur. I could barely concentrate on any thing but my dream. That voice – the voice that haunts my visions… Voldemort. He was after me. I had to tell Professor Dumbledore. Could it be true? He truly knew who I was? He even knew my name… didn't he? Unless it was James's voice I heard instead of his…? I sorely hoped it was. If he had found me, I wouldn't know what to do. I hoped beyond all hope it was just an empty threat – a way to lure me out, to make me **think** that he knew who I was so he could find me.

My eyes were blank and unfocused – _I_ was blank and unfocused. So unfocused that I didn't realise James calling my name again until he shook me 'awake'.

"Lily! What's wrong?" he asked me. he seemed genuinely concerned. Genuinely…was that a word you could use to describe him? My thoughts darted away from my dream for a split second, and back to that night… the night I had heard about the prank, and what it drove me to do. I hated myself for it; for being so weak and for seeking death because of a boy, but I _was_ weak, and there was no denying that.

My heart gave an unhappy tug. "N-nothing." I replied shakily. There were still little beads of sweat on my forehead, but they were evaporating and for that, I was grateful. I did not want James to see me like this; to see me weak and helpless.

"Are you sure? You don't look too well…" he trailed off as I stared at him in the eye with my hardened, cold ones.

"Please leave. I am fine." I said. My tone was harsh and it broke my heart to see the pain in his eyes – the same pain that I had felt on that night…

"Lily-" he began again. thank Merlin that Madam Pomfrey decided to burst in before he could continue. By the way she was looking at James, I was sure she would tell him to leave…but she didn't.

"Mr. Potter! You're finally here! Oh, good, Miss. Evans, I'm glad you're awake. Albus Dumbledore has asked Mr. Potter to keep an eye on you. Last time it was he who saved you, so Albus has no doubts that he will take good care of you, and keep you safe. I hope you are okay with the arrangements."

My eyes widened in disbelief. She must be joking…she has to be… or maybe I would just wake up to find it was just a nightmare. James had saved my life, and for that, I was grateful, but to have him look after me… wasn't that just an easier way to get closer to me and make me admit I like him, and win the bet?

But worse yet, wouldn't Professor Dumbledore have told him about my gift? I was suddenly panicked. I stared at Madam Pomfrey; the worry clear in my eyes. "Does he know…?" I asked.

Madam Pomfrey shook her head. I felt my heart rate go down as I began to calm. I looked at James. We caught each other's eyes, and I automatically averted my gaze, but not before seeing the guilt in his.

"You may leave the Hospital Wing now, but stick with Mr. Potter, okay?" She informed me. I reluctantly nodded and muttered a 'yes, professor'. I'd rather have stayed in the Wing than with James. Everything would just be too awkward.

-×-

The day had passed quickly. James had often tried to strike up a conversation, but I refused to listen and reply.

It was now dinner time, and we began to make our way to the great hall. Awkward silence was upon us once more. We were walking past the dungeons to get there, for it was a shortcut. To be honest, I was dreading it; the dungeons were the Slytherins' favourite 'hangout', and I was worried that one would jump out of nowhere and start assuming things when they saw us.

My suicide attempt had been hidden from everyone in the school. There were none apart from us that had known about it, and since James had been with me 24/7, rumours were springing up from every corner that we were dating, especially since his first ever apology was in front of the school AND to _me_.

When we reached the end of the dungeons all my suspicions and fears melted away, for we didn't get hijacked or anything. I was beginning to find this idea rather funny, and let out a small giggle. James turned to me, an expression of amusement on his face. I just smiled and walked on.

We spotted Sirius, and Pettigrew at the Gryffindor table, and I allowed James to lead us there. It was only when I heard James whisper to Sirius 'How's Moony?' that I realised: James must have left his best friend to save my life. Was I really that much of a prize that he'd rather let Remus go through agony on his own and save me instead so I would be grateful, and he would win the bet?

All of my thoughts were focused on the bet, until Pettigrew replied with 'Padfoot and I took care of him – we'll go to the Infirmary to pick him up later'. That's right… I had forgotten! How could I have been so stupid? Of course James would make sure his other friends took care of Remus whilst he went off to proclaim himself the winner. I guessed the reason I didn't see him in there was because he must have always had the hangings pulled around his bed.

I plunged into my food, gobbling it up as fast as I could manage.

"Woah… Lily… you're going to become a full-fledged Marauder if you keep that standard of eating up!" Sirius laughed at me. I shot him a mocking glare and continued to eat with the same amount of ferociousness.

"I have to go to the Library." I announced, after stuffing my face full of whatever I could find on the dinner table. I was hoping James hadn't finished eating, so I could just leave on my own, but to my horror, he stood up also, and said that he was coming with me.

"But you haven't finished your dinner…" I half argued. He just merely shrugged and said, "I'll go to the kitchens later."

I raised an eyebrow at him, and Sirius just laughed, saying, "He'll show you later, right, Prongs?" James nodded. My heart sank…again.

-×-

I left the Library almost as soon as I got there. I took out The Dark Arts and It's Defences, and left. James had escorted me absolutely everywhere. It was surprising that he had never asked me why I went and almost committed suicide, but I decided that James was considerate, and minding his own business, which I was insanely grateful for.

Since there was only five minutes left until the end of dinner, we both figured that going back would be a waste of time, so he showed me the way to the kitchens. I was so confused when he began to tickle a painting, but when the pear started giggling and opened a door to the side of it, I realised it was the way in to the kitchens.

We were instantly swarmed by house-elves, asking us what we would like. James seemed to be a frequent visitor for he began to chat to the elves whilst ordering everything that was on the menu for dinner. Soon, the table we had been given was piled high with food. Needless to say, we dug in.

I ate as if I hadn't eaten in years – not mere minutes. It was amazing how big my appetite was. James even commented on it, ("Lily, you must have an even more bottomless pit than the bottomless pit that _Sirius_ has for a stomach – and that is _saying something_!") I just shrugged, smiled sweetly, and continued to stuff my face. Pretty soon, I had forgotten about my latest 'vision'. It was probably just a hoax anyway – it hadn't felt like a vision.

-×-

"Night, James." I smiled, as I closed the door on his handsome face. I was back in my Head Girl's room. It was weird how the day turned out. Before, I had been terrified that I might let my feelings run away with me, but as the day progressed, I had become more and more relaxed, and now, it just felt as if James and I were the best of friends, and not that I was trying to avoid him.

I stripped off my robes, and changed into my silky pyjamas. The day had been eventful in an uneventful way, and it felt strange that a day could turn out the way it had, but then again, I was glad that it turned out this way.

I walked to my desk, and pulled out my latest piece of homework. It was amazing how James had managed to keep my mind off homework all day; then again, I had been too absorbed in how to get rid of him. Now I knew how stupid I would have been if I had, and how much I would have regretted it.

-×-

_"Join me, and I will give you great power… Join me, and you will be invincible…Join me…"_

_"**Never!**"__ I heard myself responding. Darkness was everywhere. I could hear his voice too clearly in my head. He was surrounding me, but I knew he couldn't see me, and he didn't know what I looked like. I knew it. It was a…Seer Instinct. "You murdered my parents – you murdered so many innocents – and you expect me to follow you?! **Never.**" I hissed right back at him._

_I heard laughter. It was an angry laugh, and yet it was amused. It knew who it was up against, yet it was confused. It knew I was strong, and it knew I was weak at the same time. It was the laughter that contained mixed emotions, but the one that was outstanding, was death._

_"You know you will not live for long…"_

_"Bring it on." I spat. My eyes were mere slits. Words could not describe my anger. I saw red… was I that angry? No… the red slits were not my eyes. They were…_

_"Well, my pet… We have our next… **victim**." He whispered to the snake in front of me. I knew he could not see me, but it felt too real. I felt my knees buckle a bit. My breathing was quick and uneven. I backed away._

_"You've already murdered half of my family. What do I care if I die too." I yelled, and closed my eyes, ready for the strike which would not come. Laughter rung in my ears: evil laughter._

_"Your family… you think those **muggles** are your family?"_

_My eyes snapped open…_

-×-

The room came into focus. I was back on my bed, in the Head Girl's dorm. My breathing was still quick and uneven. _What the hell was that?!_ I thought to myself. I knew I had to tell Dumbledore, but I couldn't – I needed to sort myself out first.

_"You think those **muggles** are your family?"_the words went through my head another time… what on earth did he mean…did he want? I couldn't understand it. I'd ask Dumbledore first thing in the morning. I knew I wouldn't be able to go back to sleep. It was 1:30 a.m. and I clambered out of my bed, and walked out of my room. Where was I going? I had no clue. All I knew was: I needed to get out of here, away from my nightmares.

My legs were taking me to I-didn't-know-where, but I was just glad they were taking me somewhere. I was deep in thought. So deep in thought, that I never noticed the looming shadow behind me.

I looked up. My feet had stopped. I was in front of the Fat Lady. She was snoring very un-lady-like. I almost grinned, but my heart was too heavy to grin. I poked her. She sniffed slightly, and rolled over.

"Get up!" I muttered. I poked her again. I had no idea why I was so intent on waking her up – I guess I just needed something to pre-occupy myself with. "Get _up_!" I whispered desperately.

She snorted, and mumbled, "Go away, mother. Mmmm… green eggs and ham… man you're sexy." This time, I couldn't stop my lips from twitching upwards. As strange as I felt, smiling after an interaction with Voldemort, it still felt good to smile.

I poked her one last time, and she stirred, and opened an eye. "Good heavens, child!" she exclaimed when she saw me. "What're you doing up so late?" she asked. I rolled my eyes, and said, "Carrots and Potatoes" before she could ask anything else. She swung open, revealing the soft, fire-lit cosiness of the Gryffindor Common Room.

It felt good to be back. I hadn't known why I had taken myself here, but I had never felt so safe – under the walls of Godric Gryffindor, and the ever-watchful eye of Professor Dumbledore. I didn't know how he did it, but he always knew everything that was going on under these castle walls, and out of it. I knew he'd know that I had been out of my dorm at ridiculous hours today, but it didn't matter to me. I would explain to him later, but right now, I just wanted to wallow in my confused thoughts and my solitude.

About three minutes later, the entrance swung open again, shocking me. I turned, and my heart was beating fast. The figure was in shadows, but I could make out a lean stature… was it…

"James?" I asked, as he stepped into the light, or as light as it could get when the room was only lit by a small fire. He walked up to me, and I felt his warmth enclose me in a hug. My heart beat faster still. He wrapped his arms around my waist, and I felt faint.

I lifted my arms, and placed them around his neck, hugging him closer to me. My body seemed to be acting on its own. I had never directed it to hug him back, in fact, my brain was screaming for me to push him away, but I wasn't listening to my brain. I breathed in the scent of his intoxicating cologne. I hung on to him for dear life, afraid to let him go, and afraid that if I did let go, I _would_ faint.

He breathed down my neck, sending shivers down my spine. "Don't you _ever_ scare me like that again." he whispered sternly in my ear. I frowned in confusion. "Don't you _ever_ leave like that without telling me, okay? What if something happened to you? What if… what if you left me?" he hugged me closer, but I pulled back, searching his eyes for any truth in that sentence. Did he truly mean it? Or was it just a hoax? My senses never lied… and they were telling me he wasn't either.

Suddenly I realised he was in nothing but pyjama bottoms. I blushed, forcing myself not to look at his gorgeous body, forcing myself not to look at him. He placed a hand on my cheek, and turned my face to look at him. He was leaning in. I could feel myself doing the same. _Don't, Lily!_ I screamed at myself, but it wasn't working. For the first time, I noticed his eyes weren't the sort of brown I'd always thought… they were hazel. A deep hazel, which was disappearing beneath his eyelids, and I felt mine close too.

I felt his arm tighten around my waist, and his hand lifting my face up, and his face leaning down…

-×-

**A/N: **Haha! And that would be 3,100 words EXACTLY!!! Cliffhanger!!! MUAHAHAHAHA! See? More people should have reviewed. Oh well. Make sure you review, so the next chapter might be longer! Remember: **The more reviews I get for this one, the longer the next chapter.** :P

**Thank you to those who reviewed! You know who you are! Until next time, L8r.**

**-3 Always,**

**-Cryst**

**AKA LivingDreams**


	9. Author Note

Heya everyone... it's Cryst here... I'm so sorry I haven't updated in forever but the thing is, my computer got a virus and I lost EVERYTHING to do with HG – HC!!! Including my plan (which I had the most IMPORTANT parts of the story written out already) and I kind of lost the will to write any more. I'm working on the next chapter though... it might be up some time this month, it might not be. Depends on how busy I am, and believe me, my busyness is killing me.

Okay, L8r,

Cryst

P.S. Don't review because I'll delete this as soon as finish the next chapter :D


	10. Chapter Nine

**Her Gift – Her Curse**

**A/N:** Hey! I'm sorry for the really late update! The thing is, that my computer got (ANOTHER) virus (as said in the… A/N if you didn't read it…), and I lost ALL my HGHC files… even my plot! Sure, the plot is in my mind, but it's really hard to type without it, plus, I had also written extracts from the story in those plots – including my ENDING which is VERY, _VERY_, _VERY, **VERY**_ important! And I've lost it! You have NO idea how ticked off I am… so, I have not been in the mood to write this. I even had the beginning of this written out too, but because of the **STUPID VIRUS**, that also got wiped out. I have a laptop now, and I'm typing it on my laptop, because I really don't trust the stupid computer.

Haha. Yup, I FINALLY got down on my lazy arse and wrote it. I was never really in the mood, so I forced myself to be in the mood. Aren't you glad of that? I finally got motivated again! And I'm now continuing to write this… ON MY BIRTHDAY! Aren't you all glad for birthdays? Haha. Yup, it's the 4th of April, my birthday, and over half a year since my last update. In fact, it's been so long since my last update, I had to read over what I had written 'cause I had forgotten most of it and I ended up finding out that **_I _**wanted to know what happened next (how sad is that!)! O.O;; Anyways…

**Wah! 68 reviews for the last chapter! 68! That's amazing! However, I'm seriously regretting I said 'multiply by 100 thing and that's how many words I'll make the next chapter' thing because now I have to make this chapter super long (but I'm not going to—read on to see why) x.x; -dies- I never thought you people would be crazy enough to review that many for one chapter! Anyways, some of those are actually for chapter 9, which is my A/N, which I thought I asked people not to review on because it's going to be deleted, but uh… maybe not. My bad. Since I have reviews there, I won't delete it.**

**Anyways, I apologise for not making this chapter as long as 6,400 words, because if it was that long, I'd take even longer writing it and I have barely any inspiration these days, so I thought you guys would rather prefer an actual chapter rather than a dead long one which you have to wait two years or so for! ;; I'll try to make the next one longer, though.**

**Thank you to all those who reviewed, and remember, the more reviews I get, the longer the chapters will be… and I swear, you guys are TOTALLY crazy for reviewing so much! I mean, it's been over half a YEAR, and I'm still getting random reviews! Lol – you all rock!**

**Chapter Nine**

I felt him leaning closer and closer. I wanted to push him away from me. I knew that was what I should be doing. Wasn't it just yesterday that I had personally heard him laugh with his best friend about how this was a mere prank to him? Wasn't that one of the things that finally drove me to end my life? Sure, I was glad that chose saving my life over accompanying his other best friend, but wasn't that just to give him an even bigger bonus?

If I gave in now, wouldn't I be helping him win? I wanted the best for him, even if it meant the worst for me, but I didn't feel I could let him use me like this. Besides, the best for him would be to leave me to my solitude forever, and never come near me again, for I would do nothing but put him in danger.

My heart clenched as I thought about the 'bet'. Did I really mean nothing to him? Did he only like…no…_want_ me – I didn't dare think he'd like me… – because someone dared him to?

After all these years, my first friend had been a fake one…

A tear rolled down my face and fell. I strongly hoped that somehow, someone would suddenly burst in and give me the strength to be able to pull away from him and save me from being drawn in too deep, but I knew that would be impossible at this time of night. Besides… I knew I was already being drawn in too deep, and as I felt his soft lips touch mine, there was no way I could pull away.

All these years of longing swept into me. All the years of watching him from afar, never daring to even _think_ that there'd be anything more than just me watching from afar, but here he was, his lips on mine, and mine on fire.

My heart was pounding so fast I could barely breathe. It was pounding so loudly that I was sure he could hear it; I was sure anyone within a mile radius could hear it pounding so loudly in my chest, let alone James, where there was barely any distance between us in the first place.

I felt my knees buckle under me, and if he hadn't wrapped his arm around my waist pulling me up and to him, I'm sure I would have fallen already. My heart screamed for this… my heart had _been_ screaming for this for the longest time… for too long… and now that it was finally happening, I felt so many mixed emotions I thought I would burst.

His lips were so soft… so smooth that I felt myself melting at the gentleness of them. It was a tender kiss, but so many emotions flowed through them: hope, desire, and… _love_?

I wrapped my arms around his neck, pulling him closer to me, scared that this was all just a dream and would end soon, but wanting to enjoy it just a little longer before it ended, and it was only when I pulled him closer did he dare to deepen the kiss a little more.

I felt his fear of scaring me away if he kissed me too hard when the kiss began, and I knew that he probably never did this with any of his past girlfriends or flings. I couldn't help but think how sweet this was, and just for this moment in time, I wanted to forget that there had ever been a prank in the first place. For that moment, I wanted to believe that he was kissing me because he liked me, and because I was me and not because of anything else. For that moment in time, I allowed myself to experience true bliss.

It was still a soft and tender kiss. It was the second kiss I'd shared with him, but it felt like my first true kiss. These were the type of circumstances I wanted them to be under: nice and warm, and lit by the glow of soft firelight, his arms wrapped around me, and mine wrapped around him.

After what seemed an eternity, yet no time at all, we finally broke apart, but slowly, as if we never wanted that moment to end. I was never able to pull back fully and look at him properly before he pulled me into a firm embrace, hugging me close to him as if he was scared I'd suddenly disappear. I hugged him back. I felt tears forming in my eyes once more, but these were tears of joy, not sadness.

"Lily… I…'m sorry…" James whispered in my ear. I pulled back a little from his embrace to look at him, confusion written all over my face. He was blushing, and he wasn't looking at me. Was he sorry that he kissed me? Was that it? All of a sudden I felt a burst of anger.

"I know that… you know… about… the bet." He continued. My heart stopped, and my eyes widened.

"How do you know?" I asked. I was automatically curious. Surely he didn't hear Professor Dumbledore and I talking that day…! If so, how much else had he heard? I paled, and was suddenly glad he wasn't looking at me and thus wasn't able to see the colour of my face. _Please, Merlin…_I thought, _please don't let that have been the case…please don't say he knows…_

_

* * *

_

James paled a little. What was he going to say to that? How was he going to explain that he'd accidentally overheard her and Dumbledore talking the other day in the infirmary, and now not only knows that she knows about the prank, but also knows her biggest secret ever?

"I…" he began. He had to do some quick thinking. "I heard footsteps running away the other day, when Sirius and I were talking about it in the corridor… I turned the corner and saw someone with red hair running away, and I figured it might be you, and that you'd only heard half of our conversation… e—especially since you'd been cold to me the next day." He explained, hoping to Merlin that at least some of what he said was true.

It was true that he had heard footsteps running away from him, but in all honesty, he'd had absolutely no idea, nor would he even have considered the thought that it might have actually been Lily's footsteps, until he'd overheard Dumbledore and Lily talking about it.

Lily automatically seemed to breathe a sigh of relief and her face relaxed considerably, but not so much that he knew she was going to forgive him until he explained about the bet. He felt sad that her sigh of relief obviously meant that she had absolutely no intention of letting him know about her secret, but also couldn't stop breathing a little sigh of relief as well that she'd bought the excuse.

He continued hurriedly, "H-how much of it did you hear, anyway?"

"Enough." She replied in a harsh tone. James winced a little, and she sighed and decided to continue: "I heard him say 'So, how's the prank going?' I recognised his voice, and I knew that it was you he was talking to, because that brunette I saw you kissing before—(here, her voice crackled a little, and James winced)—had told me that you… only wanted me to say that I loved you, then you would turn me into yet another girl in your garbage disposal bin…"

James could see traces of tears in her eyes again as she said that, and how much it pained her to say it. He pulled his arms around her a little tighter, to embrace her again, but she pulled away completely, and turned away from him.

He came up behind her, and wrapped his arms around her once more, hugging her to him, and resting his head on her shoulder, he whispered into her ear, "If you'd stayed to listen a moment longer, Lily, you'd have heard me call the prank off completely…"

* * *

James came up behind me, and wrapped his arms around my waist again to hug me to him. I let him… I had no idea why I'd let him, but for the second time in forever, I allowed my heart to override my brain, and allowed myself to be selfish yet again.

I felt him rest his head on my shoulder, his warm breath tickling my ear, sending chills down my spine as he whispered softly, "If you'd stayed to listen a moment longer, Lily, you'd have heard me call the prank off completely…"

My heart jolted. Did I hear right? Had James just told me that he'd called the bet off? Was this all a dream? I turned to face him, and looked deep into his eyes, and all I could see there, was sincerity, and the guilt had disappeared… so this was what he'd been guilty about… he'd actually been guilty because of the prank…

My heart soared. James had felt guilty because of the prank… I know he'd done loads of them before, and never felt guilty for stringing anyone along, yet he felt guilty because he had been lying to me about it. Tears of joy stung at my eyes once more, and I allowed them to fall as I fell into James' embrace yet again.

"And James?" I said. "Thank you for saving my life," and hugged him closer.

I know this was going against everything I'd ever been taught or had taught myself, and everything I'd ever believed in or had done, but when it came to James, nothing seemed to matter anymore. Surely if I'd been living in misery for six years of my life, I'd finally be able to have on day, or one moment, of true happiness? And when I hugged him closer to me again, I knew I'd never be able to turn back, to build back those walls and barriers that had been there before…

×-

I woke up in the morning feeling lighter than I'd ever felt before. Last night – or some time in the morning – had felt like a dream, yet I knew it wasn't a dream. It had felt too good to be true, and yet I knew it was true, and I felt so thankful and glad for it. Even though things would never go back to the way they were before – me, loner and secluded – I was glad that James was the one who was my friend.

James had escorted me back to my room after a while of just spending time in each other's arms, in each other's company, enjoying the peaceful silence. He'd told me he had been following me since I left my room. He had been looking out for me, just in case anything happened to me, or if I was to do something stupid again, after all, it was Dumbledore himself who told James never to leave me alone as soon as I left my room… I did wonder what in Merlin's name Professor Dumbledore had been thinking. Wouldn't it be so easy for James to discover my secret if he was with me 24/7?

I was glad that I hadn't gone to Dumbledore's office to report another vision or something, because I didn't want James to follow me there and find out about my secret, but I was glad he had been looking out for me. He had followed me to the Gryffindor common room, and then followed me inside, and I was glad he did.

We'd cleared up the misunderstandings we had with each other, and even though I still hadn't told him about my secret, I was one step closer to trusting him more. Who knows, maybe one day, when I am no longer a threat, and when Voldemort has been defeated, I might just tell him that I had a gift, but for now, I wasn't going to put him in danger.

We had decided to become friends – real friends, and not friends because of completing a prank. James was my first _real_ friend, and I was glad for it.

I know that I would never forget about the kiss, and I would never forget that it'd actually happened, but for now, we would only be friends. I would be too scared to have James as anything else but a friend – it would be too dangerous for him.

I know I wasn't allowed to have friends, and therefore hadn't had one since I'd entered Hogwarts, yet I missed having friends. I missed having them so much that I thought I'd die. Surely if Professor Dumbledore had told James to escort me everywhere, he would permit me to become is friend? I was so happy about that. I was happier than I had been in a long time, and for the first time in my life… I was actually ecstatic.

×-

We had gone down to breakfast (James by my side all the time) and I found myself sitting with the Marauders once again. I ate silently whilst James talked to Sirius and Pettigrew in hushed voices. I didn't mind that they were leaving me out, besides, I knew what they were talking about: Remus, and I definitely couldn't tell them I knew about Remus' condition.

I couldn't let them know that I knew _their_ biggest secret, when none of them knew about mine – it wouldn't be fair on them. After all, what would happen if they wanted to know how I knew about it? What would I answer with, then? That I'd secretly liked James since the first moment I'd laid eyes on him, and had been secretly watching him, observing him from a distance, and during all that, I had been finding out everything there was to know about him, leading me to also find out most of the things about his friends, too?

No, certainly not. I couldn't let that happen. I couldn't let James know I liked him, because if he did, our friendship may be lost forever… I was sure he didn't like me more than that. Why else did he just suggest we'd be friends? But then… why did he kiss me?

I was so confused. For someone who'd spent practically her whole life watching him, I certainly didn't really understand how he thought…

* * *

"Hey, Prongsie, what happened? It was only just yesterday that the Flower was completely ignoring you, and now you seem smitten… Did you…?" Sirius leaned over and asked James with a famous sly Sirius grin.

"Shut up," said James, a little embarrassed. "We're friends, and that's it, and that's how it's going to be."

"Way to go, James! Finally got the Flower to accept you, eh?" Sirius grinned.

Peter, being dumb, said, "Yay! Now you're one step closer to completing the prank! And… didn't she already accept him, Padfoot?"

James instantly looked over at Lily to check that she hadn't overheard and misunderstood. When he found that she was calmly eating her food and showing no signs of having heard what Peter said, he turned back to him and glared.

"Wormtail, leave it. The prank is off. ("But—!") I'll tell you later when we visit Moony," James told him, then turned to Sirius, saying, "Speaking of Moony, how is he? Ready to go out of the infirmary, yet?"

"Yeah. Shall we go after breakfast?"

James nodded. "Lily can come, too, right? Just tell her that Moony accidentally caught what his great aunt got and had to go to the infirmary for treatment."

"Sure. Can't leave your Flower for one second now, can you?" Sirius replied with a grin, receiving another "Shut up" from James, then looked at Lily and said, "Hey, Flower, want to come with us to visit Moo – I mean, Remus now? He's ready to go out of the infirmary."

* * *

I nodded slowly, wondering why the Marauders were inviting me to go with them to visit their best friend, especially since they didn't know that I knew about their secret, right? They hadn't told me, and I had shown no sign of knowing of Remus' condition… it was then that I remembered that James wasn't allowed to leave my side when I wasn't in my room because Professor Dumbledore had asked him not to. I had never realised how seriously James took what Dumbledore had said before. In fact, I don't recall James ever taking Dumbledore seriously in the first place…

Sirius, however, took my look of confusion as a question to why Remus was in the infirmary and continued, "He was visiting his sick aunt—" _Ah,_ I thought, _so it's a sick aunt this time, eh?_ "—And wasn't careful, so accidentally caught her flu… He's better now. You finished eating? Shall we go?"

I smiled – I seemed to be able to smile a lot more and a lot more naturally now that I had James as a friend – and nodded. Sirius had obviously taken my smile as a 'Yes, Sirius, I buy your excuse' kind of thing. I could tell by the way he was grinning triumphantly at his other two friends. James rolled his eyes, and I couldn't help the corners of my mouth twitching a little.

×-

"Moony! We've come to fetch you!" Sirius said in a singsong voice upon reaching the hospital wing.

"Hey gu—" Remus began, but stopped upon seeing me with them. His eyes widened with shock, and looked at the others with a mixture of fear of the fact that I might know their secret, and confusion of why I was there.

Sirius cut in swiftly by saying, "Don't worry, Moony, we already told her everything about how you caught the flu off your aunt when you were taking care of her, and now that you're better, you're ready to come out of the infirmary, so she decided to accompany us. Right, Flower?" he asked, turning to me.

I nodded and smiled at Remus, saying, "I'm glad you're better," while admiring Sirius' lying skills.

"Thank you," said Remus.

That was when James spoke. "Hey, erm… guys… about the prank…" My heart skipped a beat. Remus, Sirius and Pettigrew all looked shocked that James was declaring something about the prank right in front of me, but then as Pettigrew put on a confused face, Remus and Sirius had a look that said 'I-knew-this-was-going-to-happen' triumphant one.

"Yeah, yeah, stop looking so smug. Anyway… it's off… Lily and I are friends now, and I want all of us to get along, and not just because of a prank, okay?"

"Sure. We'd be glad to have you around, Lily." Remus smiled at me kindly. I thanked him.

"Yeah!" hooted Sirius. "It'll be great!"

Pettigrew nodded enthusiastically.

And whilst I was tremendously happy, I knew I mustn't let myself become over friendly with them. One friend was already too much, but taking on three at once? I say three, because I still don't count Pettigrew as a friend at all. I still have a weird feeling that he would do something to betray us all. I hated that feeling, but I knew I could trust that feeling, yet how was I going to tell these friends that I had barely known a week that one of them who they'd known since the beginning was going to betray them?

They would never believe me, and they would want to know why they said that. They would want to know how I knew, and if I cannot give them a clear answer, they would accuse me of lying and trying to split them up if it didn't actually happen, then they would hate me forever, which was something I didn't want.

I was considering telling them.

Yes, them hating me wasn't something I wanted, but it was something I _needed_. If I could get them to hate me, then they would leave me be. I would be able to go back to being a loner, and they would never ask to become my friend again, and that, in turn, would protect them from being put in harm's way because of me and my 'gift'.

I decided against it. At least not for now, anyways. I wanted to feel what it was like to be liked, and to have friends like them who cared about me. Wasn't it what I'd always wished for? To have friends like them who care about each other so much? Wouldn't it be even better if I had _them_ as my friends?

I decided. I would be friends with them for a week. Just for a week. Only for a week. Once that week was over, I'd tell them, and make them hate me, and have them leave me forever. Was it too much to ask for to let me have some great friends for a week? It would only be for a week… after that week, I would make _sure_ I am not friends with them any longer.

I would control myself. No matter how much I wanted to continue to be friends with them, I would resist the temptation, and get them to hate me. After all, who knows? Maybe after that week, I wouldn't want to be friends with them anymore, right? It could happen. Even though I seriously doubted it deep down, on the surface, I was hoping beyond hope that that would happen. So, since I decided that I'd be selfish for only one more week, I may as well enjoy it, right?

I smiled at them, thanked them, and the next thing I knew, I was being squished into a hug and lifted up by Sirius and spun round and round. I laughed with Sirius and the rest of the Marauders, and when he finally put me down, my eye caught James'. He had a weird look on his face, as if he was angry and trying to hide it. Even when he laughed, it had sounded as if it had been forced. It was as if he was… jealous?

No, it couldn't be. Why would James be jealous of his friend, who did nothing except lift me up and twirl me around for a bit. I must admit, I'd never had so much fun before, and I knew that this would only be the start.

* * *

Meanwhile, in an office, a man and a woman were talking…

"Is it really a good idea? To have that boy look after her with all his friends?" the woman asked.

"He overheard the conversation, he now knows about it. What is wrong with letting him take away a little of Lily's burden by being close to her? I have warned him never to tell, and judging by the way he acts around her, he never will. Don't you think it's time Lily deserved a few friends?" said the man, with a familiar twinkle in his eyes, and the ghost of a smile upon his lips.

The woman nodded, deep in thought. "I suppose… but isn't it dangerous? What if **_he_** found him and interrogated him?"

"Have faith in the boy. Both his parents are Aurors, and that is what he is aspiring to be. He has had plenty of tips and training from them. He will not spill out her secret, even if it cost him his life. The others do not know, and even if they did, there would only be one who worries me among their group…"

And they both knew whom he was talking about…

×-

**A/N:** Oh my gosh… that kiss/fluff scene (major gag!—someone show me where the best place to puke is! -.-;) was SOOOOOOOOO hard to write! I thought of just quitting half way through it – I was totally NOT motivated to do a KISS scene! I mean, sure I was motivated, but not for a kiss scene x.x;;

**ANYWAYS, now that that's over with…**

Again, apologies for not making this chapter very long, I had to write LOADS and I didn't want to (even so, it came up to about 4,000+ words—9 pages—anyways), so I thought I'd put this chapter up instead of trying to get the length correct, right? I was having a kind of writer's block… I kept on randomly wanting to read manga half way though writing it (yes, I admit, I'm addicted to manga right now!), so yeah… it was kind of weird…

I was going to have Remus and Pettigrew asking about the prank, too, and have Lily misunderstand again, but I decided not to… Haha. I didn't really know what to put in this chapter, but yeah…

Does anyone know who the people in the office were? Have a guess? Go on – it's not rocket science! Haha.

And remember, the next chapter length depends on how many reviews I get, and I'd like some decent reviews please—if that's not asking too much, after all, I'm going to put quite a bit of effort into writing this to make it the length I'd promised with that thing…unless you guys would rather me just post up a chapter and not care much about the length? I won't make it too short, anyways. What'd you think? Review please. Thank you!

Oh yeah, I'll now be signing stuff off with —×Kuri×—, because Kurisutina is Crystina in Japanese (got it off a name translation thingy), so yeah. ;;

**L8r,**

**—×Kuri×—**

**aka LivingDreams**


	11. Chapter Ten

Her Gift – Her Curse 

**A/N:** Okay, I'm guessing most of you know about the sidestory I wrote for HGHC, right? Yeah… it was kinda to make myself start writing again. Kinda worked, but the only reason I'm continuing right now is because I've had a bit of inspiration from the tons of fanfics I'd been reading the past few days (it's half term, I was bored, what can I say?) lol… so yeah. I was a bit disappointed in the number of reviews I'd received, though. I mean, okay, if I didn't have many hits, I'd be fine with it, but I had 300+ hits, and 3 reviews… that's just pathetic. Seriously… did my writing really get that crap?

-Ehhem-

Anyways, **I'm now looking for a beta** (by the way I'm Chinese/British, so please don't Americanise certain words i.e. favourite- favorite etc.) anyone interested? (I remember someone asked AGES ago, but I wasn't interested in a beta then… sorry! if you're still interested leave a review, please! ) Lol… this might actually make me get off my lazy arse and update some more, but my situation in the real world right now is: over load of coursework and revision to be done… seriously, I have to make up like… 5 hours of work per evening, or else I'll never catch up. I'm supposed to be telling myself to do it during half term… didn't really work though ;;

Yeah, I'm not sure how this beta thing works, though… do I send you my chapter, then you give it back to me to upload, or what? oO;; Oh well, I'll learn!

Finally the main plot is making a come back although **I've actually realised there are many flaws to my plot since the original got lost, so suggestions welcome**. Heh. Oh, by the way, many of you seemed to be confused about the layout of their dorms? Yeah, that would be my awful explaining ;; lol, sorry. I drew a mini-diagram of it. If you want to see it email me since I can't upload it—file to big. (Bear in mind I drew it on Paint, so it kinda sucks, yeah? n.n;;)

P.S. I hate Pettigrew. Therefore, in this fic, he is an utter good-for-nothing, cowardly, majorly stupid, moronic waste of time, space, and words and should be hated by everyone and should be dead. Ehhem. Now that I've got that over with, lets get on with the chapter, ne? (Sorry if Lily seems a little OOC at the beginning of this chapter – she's just happy, and about time too!)

—×Chapter Ten×— 

I woke up, and smiled. Over these few days it's been like a heaven-on-earth for me, being the friend of the infamous Marauders… I'd told Professor Dumbledore about my strange visions. He had looked disturbed for a second, before smiling at me and telling me I had nothing to worry about, and it was probably just a dream I'd built up of my past visions mixed in with my own fears.

So I forgot about it, and I've never smiled so much in my life, and I knew I wouldn't be able to wipe the smile from my face and the laughter from my eyes if I'd tried… it'd been too much fun for me.

It was addictive.

The more I had, the more I wanted, and the hungrier I became for it. I hated myself like this; I was becoming so weak. What had happened to all the walls I'd spent my whole school life building up? What had happened to my resolve, my discipline, and my self-control? Where had they all disappeared? I knew I needed to restrain myself, because if I didn't stop now, I'd never be able to go back to my solitude when this week ended.

I had four more days to go… four more days before I get to the final straw and tell them about Pettigrew. I knew they would never forgive me if I dared insult one of them, after all, they'd grown up together, and I was once just a lonely outcast they'd never even think twice of going near. I would do little things before then… yes, that's what I'd do… tiny things… make them slowly dislike me, and then ultimately hate me.

My heart clenched at that thought. I didn't want their hate, but it was inevitable. I hated the concept of having _them_, having _James_, of all people hate me, but most of all, I hated myself. I'm such an ungrateful wretch, repaying their kindness with a bitchy attitude and cruelty, but it had to be done.

I sighed and almost felt myself fall back into depression. Every time I reflected upon these thoughts I would always feel upset, and I couldn't help it. I needed James… I couldn't bear the thought of him hating me. I'd rather we go back to how it was before: him never noticing my existence, and me watching him from afar, but it was all too late for that now.

_Stop!_ I thought. I still had four days left… let's make the best of it.

Clutching on to my last thread of hope, I walked out of my dorm, only to be greeted by the sight of one very old headmaster, who'd once given me instructions to stay alone. I jumped with shock and a little fright, and then thought, "_Please don't say he's here to tell me off…_" I had been pretty much avoiding him for this reason, thanking whatever heavens there were that I hadn't had another vision lately.

"P-Professor Dumbledore! You scared me!" were the first words I said. I'm such an idiot, but he only chuckled, and apologised.

"Sorry for giving you a fright. I trust you are doing well?" he asked me. He wasn't telling me off… this was a plus… I think.

"Uhm… yes…" I responded, albeit a little hesitantly. After all, I still didn't know what he wanted. It could barely be as simple as a greeting.

"No visions lately?" he asked. I relaxed. If this was all this meeting with me this morning was about, then I could handle that, as long as my conscience did not sell me out.

"No" I replied, then, realised something was wrong. My face fell. "Professor…? Do you think he's planning something?"

He smiled, and I frowned. Why was he smiling? "It is quite possible, Miss. Evans, but that is not what I came here today." It took all my strength to stop my eyes from widening. _Oh no_, I thought, _he knows!_ I would be in so much trouble. "No, Miss. Evans. I did not come here to inquire information on Voldemort of you, however, I do believe you have something else to tell me?"

I could see his eyes twinkling. That usually wasn't a bad sign, was it? I was having an internal struggle to keep myself from telling him, but unfortunately, I lost to my conscience like I always do, and it all came out: "I'm so sorry professor! I-know-I-wasn't-supposed-to-have-friends-but-I-couldn't-help-it-I'm-so-sorry-please-forgive-me-I-promise-I'll-leave-them-all-by-the-end-of-the-week!"

If I could have killed myself at that moment, I probably would have done. I'd always been able to think before I speak… it was so unlike me the difference was uncanny, and I'm sure Professor Dumbledore would have realised it too. _Darn_, I thought, _I've been hanging out with Sirius WAY too much… _I could just envision being reprimanded for disobeying him, but to my surprise, he merely chuckled again.

"I think you've chosen quite wisely, and I'm sure it's about time you were allowed _some_ friends, don't you, Miss Evans?" He said, the twinkle in his eyes more prominent than ever. I was dumbstruck; I felt my jaw drop open with shock… had he just said what I thought he said? Was I really allowed to? Did this mean I wouldn't need to break our friendship by the end of the week? I felt a huge weight being lifted off my shoulders, any talk about Voldemort had been completely wiped from my mind, and once again I felt I couldn't have stopped smiling if I'd tried—it was like a dream come true, so, doing the only logical thing that sprung to mind, I hugged him.

I was almost crying with joy before I realised what I was doing. _No doubt about it… I've been hanging round Sirius way, way, WAY too much_. I felt myself blush. The professor still seemed to be in shock when I had released him, so I quickly began to apologise. "I-I'm sorry sir, I-"

He held his hand up to silence me. "It's quite alright, Miss Evans. After all, it's not every day a Seer has permission to de-seclude herself." He smiled and said, "Good day, Miss Evans" and walked away, but not before looking up at something in the distance, winking once with that familiar twinkle in his eyes. I had completely missed this gesture, all I could think about were his previous words. My heart soared. Now, I definitely wouldn't be able to wipe the smile off my face if I'd tried. I was positively beaming, and I loved it.

Unbeknownst to me, another figure in the shadows had been watching the whole encounter—a smile almost as big as mine gracing his lips.

—×—

"What's the occasion, Flower?" Sirius greeted me with Remus and Peter upon my entrance to the Great Hall. James had walked down with in a comforting silence after Dumbledore had departed. He hadn't asked why I was so happy, and I was grateful. I wondered if he'd overheard what Dumbledore had told me, but then quickly discarded the thought.

"Hm?" I feigned ignorance. I couldn't possibly let them know the real reason behind the gleam in my eyes, the faint blush on my cheeks, and the largest grin I'd ever worn in my life. No, that would mean revealing my secret, and as happy as I was with them and as much as I trusted them, I couldn't tell them—not yet at least.

"Don't give me that look, Flower; you know what I mean." Sirius mock glared and gave me a look that clearly said, 'please, give me _some_ credit'. When I didn't reply, he persisted, "You look happier than you did when you were with us! You…" Sirius suddenly gasped, as if in realisation. I furrowed my eyebrows in confusion. "You haven't found a _boyfriend_, have you?"

Pettigrew looked at me blankly. Remus didn't say anything, and instead raised an eyebrow, but I could tell his eyes looked shocked. I felt James stiffen slightly beside me and I could have sworn my own heart had stopped for a second at the potential misunderstanding. "No!" I denied as soon as I'd gotten over the shock of the question. "I'm just happy. Am I not allowed to be happy?" I asked, putting my façade of angelic ignorance back on.

I could tell Sirius wasn't convinced in the slightest, nor were the others. So I continued, carefully selecting my words so I didn't lie, "Professor Dumbledore congratulated me on something this morning." Well, I didn't _lie_, per-se, I just didn't exactly tell the whole _truth_ either. A 'congratulations' was definitely hinted in our short conversation this morning.

Luckily, Sirius bought it, Remus smiled, and James visibly relaxed, and even smiled at me, saying, "Congratulations, then, on whatever it was." It was the kindest smile I'd ever seen, with so much of the emotion behind his eyes, almost as if he _knew_ what he was congratulating me for. He looked so happy for me, and I felt myself melt beneath his gaze. I was sure he'd never looked so beautiful before, apart from that night in the common room with the light of a fading fire softening his features, leaving him half in shadows but no doubt looking as breath-takingly gorgeous as ever, and with a body to match…

I shook myself out of my reverie and blushed. Furiously. And instantly averted my eyes. I thanked Merlin when Sirius laughed, joking about how he must have been telling me how well I'd done in the last assignment or something… well, half-joking, anyways, because 'knowing Lils, that's probably what it was actually about.'

"Let's sit down," said a voice. I had almost forgotten Pettigrew was even here. I had been too entranced by James' mesmerizing hazel eyes… I quickly stopped that trail of thought as a blush was threatening to grace my cheeks once more, however, I couldn't have agreed more at that moment, and, judging by the low rumbling coming from Sirius' stomach, I take it he couldn't have either.

Laughing, the five of us walked to take our usual seats at the Gryffindor table, and each began piling food on our plates like no tomorrow until each of us had our personal mini-mountain, and with smiles galore, we dug in. Needless to say, it was delicious. So delicious, in fact, that I failed to notice a pair of amber eyes glaring at me…

—**×—**

Darkness came, surrounding me, and I knew immediately where I was. I could feel cold sweat beginning to seep through every pore of my body at the tension in the air, then, I saw it, smelt it, and I'm sure in some part of my unconscious mind, I felt it too…

_A faint light ignited from the corner of the dungeon, bathing its occupants in an eerie glow. A smirk. He advanced upon his prey. Their lifeless forms were dangling from thick metal chains; dried blood sticking to pale skin where it'd flowed down their bodies. Their clothes had been shredded by some sort of weapon, leaving deep wounds in its place, blood clots now forming around the edges. Fresh blood was still seeping from fresh wounds, limbs were out of place; victims of the Cruciatus. Their eyes were dead, as if they'd felt too much, yet nothing at all. They were barely alive. The worst of it, was that they looked familiar._

_Bile was rising up my throat. I felt I would throw up any second, but when he spoke, I almost did._

"_The Drakes… a powerful family, weren't they?" malice mixed with amusement could be heard within his voice. "Dear, dear, how did you manage to get yourself caught? Oh yes, you were careless. Carelessness cost lives, just like they will cost yours. I will enjoy torturing you to death."_

_The **Drakes**… I vaguely recognised the name somewhere in the back of my mind, but all thoughts were forgotten at the next words that came from his mouth… words that made my blood run cold…_

_Piercing red eyes seemingly looked directly at me. My heart stopped… he couldn't possibly know I where I was!_

"_Will you be enjoying the show, Seer?"_

"NO!" I sat bolt upright in my bed. My body was sticky with sweat and I held a hand up to calm my racing heart. I cast my eyes at my surroundings, thanking Merlin it was over; so glad I didn't witness their actual death. I noted I'd kicked off my covers and I shivered, but not from the cold.

He couldn't know I was there… it wasn't possible… he couldn't possibly have known I was there, and be able to glare right _at_ me. No, Professor Dumbledore had told me himself: the most powerful weapon against Voldemort is a Seer, a presence who would always be at the scene of a death, yet could never be detected. I remember being so angry at being used as a _powerful weapon_, but I'd learnt to live with it by now, now matter how sickening the experiences were.

I paused for another moment, swallowing the nausea that was threatening to overcome me from the sight I'd just seen before my feet took off on their own accord, too accustomed to these things happening, and too used to it to care, but that didn't make each vision easier to cope with.

"Sherbet lemon" I said to a very familiar statue. The password had been changed a couple of days ago, and even though I had not been there to report anything, I was always kept up to date with any password changes to Dumbledore's office. Scrambling up stairs, I slammed the door open.

"Professor!"

The headmaster looked up at me expectantly. He had been waiting… did he know something? "Miss Evans, please report what you have seen." He said, and I did.

I saw him pale a few shades at the mention of the Drakes, and pale even further at Voldemort's message for me. This could not mean anything good. "Professor…" I asked tentatively, "He… doesn't know… about me… does h—?"

"Unfortunately, Miss Evans, it seems he knows about you, _however_," he continued at my shocked disposition, myself paling a few shades lighter than that of his, "I can assure you he does not know it is _you_. It is my guess that he estimated your whereabouts, seeing as you always observe from the same location, and he has been able to practise what little ligemency he can on a Seer and feel your emotion with each of his attempts, and tonight, he has finally found your position within your visions. He is a very powerful ligemens, but even so he cannot penetrate the mind of a Seer. It has only been recently that he has tried to 'contact' you, am I correct?" He was referring to my 'vision' at the Hospital Wing, and later on that night. I nodded.

"Then we can guess that he knows of your existence, but does not know who or where you are, however, he can use his limited knowledge of your vision occurrences, and try to use that against you. He probably has found how to provoke your visions, and may try to scare you in future, by hinting that he knows your whereabouts, but I promise you this, he does _not_ know, and you must never give him the pleasure of sensing your panic like he must have done tonight."

I nodded again. What Dumbledore said made sense… I knew Voldemort could never penetrate my mind, my Seer genes made sure of that, but the visions… they were awful enough. Voldemort himself couldn't penetrate my mind, but my visions could, and now that he may have known how to trigger them I could certainly be expecting them more often. The thought made me whimper inwardly, but on the outside I could only sigh.

"But sir, that night he tried to 'contact' me… he knew I was muggle-born, or _not_, as he claimed. He said—"

"Miss. Evans, I had already told you, that is nothing to worry about. Whether he knows you are muggle-born or not is not important. Trust me, he does _not_ know who you are, and you must _never_ give him that pleasure, understand?"

I could only nod. His words made no sense to me, yet his tone left no room for argument. He must know something I didn't, and that thought irked me. Then, I remembered something. "Professor, the Drakes—"

"Ah, that, Lily, I will inform Miss. Alexia Drake. You are familiar with her, I presume?" I felt shocked. I knew I'd known that name from somewhere. I knew I'd recognised them from _somewhere_… it was because Alexia had looked so much like them. I could only nod again as Dumbledore slowly considered his next words.

"I feel it would be better you do not ask or tell her anything personally. I hear you two aren't on the best of terms, and I'm sure you don't wish for her to find out your secret, although if you wish to ask of her well being I suggest you do it discreetly. As for her parents, they were (my eyes narrowed at the use of the past tense when they were still alive) amazing aurors—second best next to the Potters, and it seems they have become careless. So careless, in fact, to be at the mercy of Voldemort himself, and I'm afraid I cannot help them.

"To try to infiltrate Voldemort's personal dungeons would be like committing suicide, and I do not have people to spare. Please do not tell her of this occurrence. It will not do for her to hate me. She is a powerful witch, and a wonderful ally, but I'm sure she would also be a deadly enemy, if it ever comes to that."

I understood, but I couldn't help but feel angry at Dumbledore… his last words could easily have been directed at me, also. He was planning to _use_ her, just like he used me. I didn't have the strength to muster up a glare, or even a look of disapproval, so I merely nodded once more. I wouldn't be able to tell her without revealing everything anyway, although if I'd known that he may have even had the slightest chance of saving _my_ parents and not done so, I would have a personal grudge on him. Forever.

I could tell the difference between visions now. Some where of the present, some where of the future. My parent's death was in the present tense, and there would have been nothing I could have done about it, but this… this was different. This wouldn't happen until tomorrow, and it irked me to know that Voldemort scared me so much I lost logic.

Voldemort couldn't _possibly_ have been talking _to_ me, because he would be talking to thin air…_tomorrow_. I only remembered this just now, and I felt so stupid. Bidding the Professor goodnight, I took my leave, but not before sparing one last look at him. His eyes were solemn, contemplating, _planning_, and as I left his office, I knew my own thoughts would plague me tonight. Sleeping was now out of the question.

* * *

"You heard her, right?" he asked. McGonagall stepped out from behind a secret doorway. "Yes" was the reply, and she knew what he was thinking. She gave him a reprimanding look, and he cast his eyes down, ashamed.

"It cannot be helped, Minerva." Dumbledore said, and she understood the double meaning of his words.

—×—

Alexia cried. She couldn't believe it… her own parents had been murdered… _tortured_ to death. A letter had arrived, addressed to her this morning, with a description of how they found her parents bodies shamelessly cast in a field somewhere down south. She decided she would not recall the details, for they would just hurt more, and she was now in Dumbledore's office.

"I hate him." She stated.

"I know…"

"I want him to die. I want to kill him…" anger, hatred, and revenge blared in her amber eyes as she glared at the floor, her hands clenched tightly into fists, tears flowing steadily down her face. Her voice shook slightly, and her knuckles had turned white.

"You can."

Her head shot up.

—×—

In the darkest hour of the night, the presence of a pair of hooded people loomed the long-deserted halls of Hogwarts corridors.

"You're sure about this? He does not permit hesitance." One asked. Not an inch of their faces could be seen; both were either hidden by their hoods, or the darkness; not even their heights could be perceived. The only clue that gave away the genders of the couple was a low-ish voice of a male, and a higher voice of a female, both young adolescents.

"Yes," said the female, "now prove to me you are the one I seek."

The other rolled up his left sleeve. A Dark Mark was prominent on the surface of skin. Even in the darkness, when not even the colour of skin could be made out, every detail, every contour of the mark could be distinguished. It was charmed that way, the girl guessed. Luminescent in darkness, dark in daylight.

_How ironic_, she thought, _light in the darkness, and darkness in the light_. But she that was not the sign she had been looking for. A second of nothing, then, wisps of smoke rose gently from the tattoo, forming a 'V' with a snake curled around the letter. _Now_, she was convinced.

Handing a letter of her own to the Messenger, she whispered, "Hesitance is weakness."

An imperceptible nod was the response, and he was gone.

She sighed.

—×—

**A/N:** Well, there you have it, as promised on my profile (I'll be putting up dates for my next upload), and happy 16th to me! Lol. YAY! Although I am really, rather, very angry with myself for not updating in a year. Believe me, I'm scolding myself. I'm such a horrible, horrible authoress it's not even funny. But, the good news, I've actually finished this a month before my birthday. Could you believe it? After I set a deadline for myself I actually sat my lazy arse down and wrote it all. It was actually even quite fun! So yes, since I have finished this so long before time, I will now go on to write the next chapter! Yay! Lol.

Anyways, I would just like to mention **TajM** for her wonderful review for my Sidestory (and her other reviews for HGHC). Lol.

**TajM** (reply to your review for my Sidestory ): Don't worry—I think you're perfectly right for scolding me. God knows I need it . I don't know if I should put that sidestory into this actual one. I don't think I will—it was just something to get me off my lazy arse and start writing again. Kinda worked…ish. And thank you very much for the review… it meant a lot to me because seriously, I'd actually almost given up writing because I was just so busy/lazy/fed up blah, blah and various other reasons, but your review was a nice kick up the arse , and it was what finally made me resolve to post the next chapter up on my birthday—1) because I'll have time enough to write it, and 2) because it isn't that long a wait anymore. So thank you very much again!

And also, I'd like to thank **valery** for her very encouraging review, thank you very much .

If the rest of you are wondering why your reviews weren't mentioned, well, I was just writing it for those who reviewed my Sidestory lol, either that, or because it merely consisted of 'hey! I love your fic! Please continue' or something along those lines… lol, I'm weird, I guess. **I really, really appreciate long reviews, so if you give me a lovely nice, long review, I'll make sure you get mentioned in the next chapter **(which I'm hoping to have up in May—no promises, though. GCSE's are coming up, and I'm dying under pressure.)

At **auschick**, who wrote:

'err.. this totally goes against all harry potter theories...

and lily and james are meant to live happily after, not just be friends..'

…Does anyone have anything to say to her? Because I sure do, except she didn't leave a contact, so I wasn't able to say anything, and since she doesn't read authors notes (because if she did, she wouldn't have sent such a stupid review), then I can't very much say anything, to be honest. So if you would like to review, **constructive criticism is very much appreciated**. Down-right-stupid comments, on the other hand, are not.

**Saia May Dursley**: I was actually going through my old chapters to check I didn't contradict stuff, and I saw I'd written "She's not just a 'random chick', who is she? You'll find out!" to reply to one of your reviews. Well, now you've kind of found out! Hehe

Hm… can I just ask… **can we try for 19 reviews for this chapter?** (Get me up to 300 reviews? Please, please, pretty please? I'd be ever so happy!) I mean, I have 63 people who have me on their author alerts. Just think, if each of those people gave me one review, how amazingly happy will I be? I know this chapter wasn't excellent, but it's moving along—hey! I was even actually quite proud of myself for someone who wasn't particularly inspired. **Cookies for my favourite review/reviewer! (And will be mentioned in the next chapter! Whee! )**

**L8r,**

—**×Kuri×—**


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